one.hundred.forty.four.

saturday june 22

this day was good. i had a difficult time waking up and thought about going into work late, but i dont usually follow through with showing up late. i didnt set an alarm but my body woke me up at the usual time. i just wanted to lay... the bike ride was nice, the sun is finally out in the mornig. i still managed to make it to work on time but my ten am appointment cancelled becuase she was sick. it was fine, the other girls appointments cancelled too.. which was stange, but left us time to talk. i took some time to have food and then waited for my first appointment. it was a mens haircut and i was glad to get a new client. his name is ryan and as soon as i saw him.. i liked his eyes. he had a head of crazy hair and wanted to clean it up a bit. he was interesting from the start. i found out that he is an artist.. graphic designer that is now a designer for billanbong. wow, this is really exciting. he seems really quiet... i liked his voice. it was funny that london's client talked to him more than i did during the appointment. she was interested in his profession, i was intrigued with what kind of art he shows. we continued our talk and he asked how i ended up out here... i proceeded to talk to him about the adventure to get here. "sounds like the beginning of a movie". yes.. that it does. i had to contain my excitement about meeting him. i wanted to ask him to hang out... but i'll see if he comes back for another haircut. i had another mens haircut right after, i didnt remember him from the time before... but after some time into it, we established that i had met his wife a few weeks ago from niya. small town... even in a big city. i need to learn to watch what i say. i had a meeting with robert about how i was doing at work. it was nice to see numbers and know that i am actsully making money, and i have and 55% retention for clients. it is just unfortnate to see how much i could make if i didnt give sixty percent of it away, but thats how you have to start. robert made the comment that i must have something going on that people liked. i suppose, i'm planning on creating quite a following. i talked about some other things, i remember saying to him about how i am having a hard time with the entire move, i'm trying to rely on God right now. watching sermons online and just trying to learn the moral code for how i can keep good things coming, passing it back around. i am truely blessed with this life, but why is it that we long for what we once had? it's not that i want it again... it's that i need it to be a part of me.

i talked to london for just a bit about how i dont think that i am meant for just one man, he smiled and agreed with me. "i am inspired by strong independent women, goddesses don't belong to just one." this is true, i actually belong to the universe... i belong to the world... all the dimensions where each path has been crossed before. 

'they' come for the experience. that is what i will become. the tehra burton experience. you never know what will happen. i'm stuck in my head too much to explain what i mean by this. its actually a phenomenon. 

Jeremy came to see me at the salon just around four thirty.. We went out to the back patio to sit and talk about the details of the journals and bracelets. He brought some red bow ties and I chose which one i  wanted. I went with a larger one that was made of the blue-red matte finish. I debated in my mind if this was the right choice, I'm still not sure that I will give it to harry, I'm debating keeping it for myself. I could wear it in my hair,'I'm just not sure if it is his style, he has a mind of his own. 

I enjoyed my time with jeremy. It was nice to see him... Up close. I noticed today that he has the most amazing sea foam green eyes. In natural light they are magical... Suppose this explains why he looks down a lot. He knows. I tried to look into them as much as possible.. I wanted to see him more clearly. Everytime I see him he looks better.. More appealing. Our time was cut short because I was scheduled a last minute highlight appointment. It caught me off guard ... So I went to get ready. She was a quirky blond girl from New Orleans.. And she was on a strict time budget, she had to go get her boyfriend from the airport. I quickly foiled her hair, high and low.. The pace of the music helped speed up the process. I think london chose it because it reminded him of being at a rave or the electric daisy carnival. For the past few days we had been tossing around the idea of taking a last minute flight to Vegas to run around.. but neither of us can really afford it and we both have appointments. 

Niya came in around seven and I put a gloss in her hair... It was so quick and I needed to leave it in longer.. But I felt guilty for keeping london there late so i let it only stay on for about ten minutes. It was enough time to dull the brassiess and blend the line of demarcation. She made me a wine drink and I drank it fast. I cut her hair and styled it, she looked great and then we headed to the liqueur store to get shots. We made the plan to go to an art show that jeremy told me about... But time was getting away from us and we were stopped by a woman that was walking along, she had just been to the liqueur store as well. She started to talk to us about how she has worked hard her whole life to raise two handicapped children. the conversation was tough, she just needed to talk to someone, to get her point across. i think that we were just supposed to listen and let her know that God is on her side. without him, we are to achieve nothing. after almost an hour of standing outside of her shop talking.. i was watching the sun set and realizing that it was getting late. we were planning on meeting up with jeremy at an art show on fourth and cherry… but it was getting late. by the time we biked to my house the show was almost over and jeremy had texted me that they had left to go to band practice. niya and i took our time getting ready and taking shots of vodka right from the bottle. daniel and ian thought that it was funny to see us do this… as we made faces and chased it with cranberry juice.  we walked downtown… it was a nice walk and the temperature was really nice. we walked all the way to pine and decided to eat at allergia. the host was immediately friendly and assured us that we would have a table shortly and showed us to the bar. i was excited to have sangria, usually latin restuartnats have good sangria… and theirs was very good. carlos.. i believe that was his name… set us up in a nice table by the window. we sat beside each other in the booth so we could have a good view of everyone in the restaurant.  he offered to take a picture of us… and after a few shots we managed to get a decent one. its funny because neither of us photograph that well. but overall i was happy with the outcome, its just so rare that i even get a photo.  our food was good, i enjoyed the empanda the most. the vegetable lasagna was good… but alitle too sweet for my taste. i think maybe it was cooked with a white wine or even too much cheese. something was off and i remember it tasting better last time i tried it. we weren't sure of our plans for the remainder of the evening so we stayed and listened to the salsa band that was playing. people started to dance around and we were both very amused by the outfits that these spanish women dressed up in. i love to people watch, i really like to see what girls wear out now… its all ill fitting and scandalous, especially on saturday night.  jeremy began to text me again, asking what i was going to do for the evening. we didn't really have any other plans… so we deiced to meet them on fourth st. we took a cab and go dropped off at ferns. the place was a complete dive… including pool tables and poor lighting. there was a girl singing on stage… kinda joan jett like… but she finished her set shortly after we arrived. there was no sign of the boys.. so they must have moved on to another place close by. we saw that the red room was close and walked there… still no text from him so we scanned the place and i found him. he looked like he was in the process of texting me and i startled him with a "boo". it was kinda comical and i wasn't sure what to expect. he was a lot more charismatic that i had anticipated. his gestures and movements were full of more energy and i think it might have had something to do with the alcohol. he offered to get us both drinks.. which is very gentlemen like. then he introduced us to his friends… billy and joel. they are both very retro looking characters.. these are his band mates. we talk for a while, billy is very talkative and i find out that he is  a barber at razor backs… which is right down the street. the music is too loud and the crowd is to be desired so we decide to walk somewhere else. i believe we ended up at the v room? I'm not really sure.. but it was better. much calmer and the dj was playing good music. the boys were everywhere, they kept disappearing to chat off in weird places… leaving niya and i to occupy ourselves. we decided to take up space with our dancing skills… the music was appropriate and we made our own dance party. we were the only ones dancing for some time, a few people joined in…but they mostly stayed off into the distance and talked to one another. i caught billy staring at us… while he was supposed to be talking to a girl, i suppose we are more entertaining. towards the end of the night the boys were over by us dancing… they claimed that they don't do this often… dance, but we made it look like so much fun. dancing is one of my favorite past times. well.. one of the many things i love. i spotted joel hitting on a girl… his dark features stand out to me… and his obnoxiously long beard. we walked over to a taco place next store and each got a snack… then niya and i decided to walk home. it was close to my place and the walk was good for us. the boys said their goodbyes and I'm sure wanted us to hang out more… i like their hugs, very genuine. 

niya had to get up at six am the next morning so she fell asleep immediately and snored the whole night. i couldn't sleep and tried to wind down by getting high… washing my face and writing. i felt very inspired to write several pages… trying to just let the words flow without thinking too much about them. i was surprised with how much i got out before falling asleep with the pen in my hand. 

one.hundred.forty.three.

journal entry. 

the first day of summer  ---- the super full moon is upon us. i sat on the west coast porch with Ali & Ian. really all you need is a porch & friends.... food and i could be satisfied. all the thoughts in my head are overwhelming. i choose to sleep instead of write or focus on task that require me to.. i can't stop thinking about myself and what the fuck i am trying to do here. the picture is so much bigger, so much more important that me. but instead i am stuck in my mind. my whole entire life lead me up to this... lead me to this. i was created for this, made for this. i could lose everything with what i am doing, but i came into this world with nothing. it is no surprise i should leave with nothing. i have all the love in world. i literally spin a web of peace that will transcend across the world. the time has come to change. i sit and listen to Jimi Hendrix. listening to the minutes pass away. closer & closer to what i am trying to achieve. this is a strange ride. i just need to pray more, focus on keeping my faith strong. 

one.hundred.forty.two.

journal entry.

2:20am june 20th

I don't feel like writing for public anymore. only for myself. the silence leaves only a ticking clock. a moment i have been here before. i pause and remember a scene with a journal. Gabriel is really happening to me. i used to have a crush on this "character" from the lion king... he looks like him, but the human version. the discoloration of his skin around his mouth and hands intrigues me. reminds me that he is an animal. the arc angel as Daniel reminded me this evening. yes. i do realize this. what is he doing with me? i talk about him too much. but he takes over my thoughts. captures them and takes his toll of what he wants. he has changed things about me already. i like what his spell is doing. Niya said "i can't take credit for that". she saved it all. he we slept together that first night... it would all be over --
thank goodness we don't even remember our first kiss. drinking does this to me. i only know how to move like an animal and make a mess... that is gone the next morning. 

one.hundred.forty.one.

Wednesday. 

I let myself lay in bed for awhile ... The darkness and no need to get moving was a wonderful feeling. Gabriel texted me first thing.. Asking me about what I was doing for the day. I told him I was still in bed, surrounded by my iPhone, iPad and MacBook. The usual for me... I like to sleep with technology. He shared some songs with me and I laid and listened to them. Looked over my schedule and worked on a few things.. Made doctors appointments. I was lucky to be able to get in to my funk while I'm home, that's always a pleasure. But it has been a year and I need to get it done while I'm still on my parents insurance. 

I got up and went straight to the deck to lay out. Day number two on the porch, getting a tan. I sent gabriel a picture of my "my view"... Mostly my tan legs and the coastline. He liked it.. Complimenting my body.. It's such a pleasure to have that attention from him. I wonder why I am so interesting to him.

I spent a lot of time on the deck listening to djs on soundcloud and writing. Then I ate some lunch and got myself ready to bike to the clothing store. It was a nice ride... I'm not sure of biking to redondo in the evening, a lot more traffic. I came up with a creative outfit for the occasion. I absolutely love making up outfits that are weird and unusual. Orange ombré skirt that made it to the music video of andrew McMahon, striped tank I got in NYC and my teal cheetahish sleeveless button up from San Francisco. It was good, I took a photo and posted it on Bella Mia's Instagram. I helped her get dressed and accessoried her with Stella & dot. I did a quick display.. Hoping to maybe make a sale, but no luck. We sat around and drank water.. Had some fruit and a salad, then add wine and a few sales... We had a grilled cheese. The evening was spent talking out Tomas's nonsense and our future goals and plans. I am really falling in love with her.. We are on the same level, she complimented me and said that I was one of the reasons she was getting her passion back. She needs some one on her level, someone to push her harder. I think I can be that person in her life... She just needs an independent female to help her.. Support her, instead of take from her. She is the type that attracts those that just need and take and take. Oh course I talked to her about my infatuation with the idea of Gabriel... "I can take credit for this" she laughed. Then we looked over a journal entry that I wanted her to know about. How to be a ninja? That's all I had to google to get me on the right track... And now I am achieving these dreams. I've achieved almost half already and I only made the list in October. Funny how things like this work... We passed the time until eight and at the last minutes a few clients came in and bought two dresses. This was really exciting...  We closed the store and walked down to Terrance studios which is a new salon right down the street,  and I liked it as soon as we walked in. The patio area was cool.. Terrance was sitting out on the porch having a cig... It was dark. I looked around and could see that this place had great potential... Niya introduced us and before you know it... We were talking about how amazing the Outer Banks is.. He was there a few summers ago. We talked about how beautiful it is and I think he went to the Pit while he was there.. At least that is what it sounded like by the way he described the place. We sat out there and enjoyed the evening.

one.hundred.forty.

Tuesday 

I slept in later than I intended, but woke up just in time to check the yoga schedule and see that Darren was teaching today. I debating laying in bed, but this would be my last class with him for ever possibly... So I decided to get up and get ready. It only took me a few minutes and I was out the door. It was a beautiful sunny day out and I was thankful that I got out of bed for the day. As usual I was the only one who came to class.. And I realized I had forgotten my mat. Luckily they had mats I could borrow, I choose a thick brown mat ... When I unrolled it, to my surprise it had electric blue flowers on the bottom corner. I love the mat and thought about if I could buy it from the studio, but I let that thought pass. I talked to him about my shoulder and he said he had to skip last week because he was very sick. Seems we were both struggling a week ago. He decided to take it slow for the class.. Focusing on the movements and breath, paying close attention to each posture. His assistance is the next part. He pushes me to the next level, once it hurt so bad I had to give in.. But after that initial moment, I was able to push through the remainder of the class with out much pain. I knew that I could push my body hard, it needed it. The sweat was dripping down my face and I knew that I looked a mess as usual. It was a good class, I discover a few things about myself. He said that I had amazing control of my movements and breath. I was working really hard to focus, even with all the thoughts bouncing around in my head. We chatted after class and I reminded him that I would be leaving for a few weeks and it might be our last class. I thanked him... I told him that he was one of the only yoga teaches so far on this side of the country that really challenged me. I must say.. I really liked how when I was in twisting poses, he would have me push against him... And how he would massage my back while in certain poses. It was a nice touch.  

We said our good byes and I was off. The day had warmed up and my bike ride home was quick. I heated up the leftovers from the night before, since all of my food was gone. I spent some time catching up with clients from home. Answering emails and scheduling appointments. I also had a lot of laundry to catch up on and the washer is broken so you have to turn the nozzle for each time. I kept forgetting and letting the laundry just keep washing. I laid out on the deck for awhile to try and get some sun before I go home.. To all the pretty tan girls. I was able to relax for alittle while and get some more writing done. I texted gabriel and he sent me a picture of himself soaking wet from sweat.. About to shower. I was nervous and didn't click on the photo until later in the afternoon. He has a stellar body and it made me nervous. It was weird in a way.. A boy has never done that before, but he is a photographer.

It is market food day with my Ali cat and I walk to her house. Ian had just gotten home and Sydney was running around, freaking out. We drove to the market and made it quick, getting the usual fruit, avocados, granola, salsa and of course cake balls! Then off to ulta and whole foods. I love our shopping trips together.. Our time together in general. All day I had been contemplating texting gabriel to see if he could hang out... I debated just leaving it alone, but Ali advised me to just put it out there. I mean.. What do I have to lose. We like each other and our constant communication is important in the beginning. Ali and I were so distracted at whole foods.. Like we had lost motivation. I just stood in the produce section looking around, almost lost. I felt overwhelmed and hungry and I knew that I couldn't afford much food. I'm leaving in a week so I wanted to be cautious to not purchase too much. We made it out of there with the cheapest amount of groceries yet.. Only fifty dollars. The older gentleman checking us out complimented our selection of food "very healthy". He said that is why he chose to work there.

I went home and unpacked, ate a snack and did my usual night routine. I was tired and stared to think about packing and leaving... I spent some texting gabriel, not much... Just little things, then fell asleep with my laptop and all the lights on. 

one.hundred.thirty.nine.

I wake up to a text from alex at home... Miss you. It's the small moments that make me smile and knowing that first thing this morning... Or maybe even after a night of no sleep from the hound dog show at goombays... He was thinking of me.

I put this day off.. For a few days. So I'll leave out the boring details. 

I had two men's cuts that came in first thing, good timing. The first guy was good, but he told me horror stories about his past haircuts.. And he now understands now how to appreciate a good stylist. He reminded me of a few of the boys at home... The type that are good looking, go to NC state and know how to sail a boat. Our conversation was good.. And he liked his haircut. I was glad, the catch is... I'm leaving for a few weeks. The next guy caught me off guard and immediately complimented my "back to the future" t-shirt. Well... that is exactly where I am going. He laughed. I'm impressed he saw the shirt from under my black cutting apron. He was a character, a teacher of fiction writing, makes sense. He was really amused by London and I, said some clever things that I wish we would've written down immediately. But I didn't, instead I gave him a good haircut and some entertainment.

The rest of my day i wanted to leave it up to getting writing done. I talked with London some. I enjoy our new space together. He is trying to figure out what is next for his life... The end of The Loft is not the end of us, we must remember this. We agree to put his dreads back in, he wanted it done before I leave and im trying to not put things off this time, or I'll have to pass up on what I really want  to doing...

I sat out on the deck and was able to write. I keep putting my days off ... For days. Then I forget things... Have to re-live them in my head to remember. London came outside to read beside me.. But he couldn't, said it was a hammock nap kinda day.  When he went inside, I fell asleep sitting in the chair. It was hard on my neck, as it was hard to stay asleep comfortably.  I had a few moments to wake up and write some more before Shannon came outside to tell me that it was her last day. I could tell that something was bothering her.. She started crying and I hugged her. It's a hard move and when you have worked somewhere for a long amount of time it is always upsetting to leave. It's mainly the people that you miss. It's never the job... But I think the change will be good for her. She needs a change and the negativity at the salon can finally subside. 

I came inside for a minute to see what was going on.. Not much. I went back out to the porch for hours to finish my work. It took hours, but I was finally caught up. Just in time for my late night color client. It caught me off guard because I didn't realize I was going to be doing a color. I did it the hard way too... I could've cut out an hour of time.. But I went the long way this time. I'll see if the color holds up. She had just moved to Cali over a year ago from Puerto Rico. It was fun that we were able to connect on that level first thing. She was highly amused by me.. And we had similar boy stories. I'm assuming that she is in her early thirties... She surfs and is beautiful. She is a also friends the trumpet player from SOJA ----

So here we go... I'm going to finish this day. It gets late fast, but it is nice the sun doesn't set until around nine o'clock. London waits until I was done and we walk to cafe neo. It was such a lovely evening... Everyone was sitting outside. I wanted to be out doors too..we sat down at a nice spot by the wall. I was really thankful for this meal. We are so funny and bizarre together.. You would think we were a married couple that had been together for years. I looked through all the choices.. And went with chicken, spinach, feta and vegetables. It was good, sort of bland... But that is how Mediterranean food is prepared. Adding just a little bit of salt and pepper makes a big difference. Our waiter was taking a long time to help us... We get restless sitting still too long. I was getting anxious because of how late it was getting and I had so much work to do. I had been thinking about Gabriel all day... Just simple day dreams. I checked my phone while London was getting the check. I was so excited to see his comment... Art and drinking night... I want to be there with him. I like to day dream about our time together working on art projects. I blushed and text him a few things.. 

London and I began his dreading process around eleven o'clock... Listening to jazz beats and looking at fashion that I had tagged on Pinterest and saved on my iPad. He liked the stuff, I've been working hard at getting ideas together and finding things that are timeless that we could one day create. He flipped through the rest of my photos and I could see that he was intrigued. He stopped to read a message that Harry had sent me, I took a picture of it because I was so excited I guess I wanted to save that moment. Then he flipped too far and stumbled upon a picture of me naked... Just my back. I was taking pictures with my iPad of a hairstyle that I liked. He laughed and turned it off... "You have a very nice body mama". I giggled. I was on a good movement through his hair, I finished up around two in the morning. After a lot of tea and just a few minutes of break to rest my cuticles.. He was dozing off into sleep. I wasn't that happy with the outcome this time.. I felt too tired to be as picky. I hope he liked how I did it, hairstylist are so very critical of each others work.

I texted Gabriel that my fingers hurt... Actually my entire body was achy. He said really nice things to me.. One day I will have him run me and bath and rub my feet. I biked home pretty quickly and then needed to wind down for a bit before falling asleep. I stayed up texting him, our constant chatter. I could get used to this.