this day was supposed to start earlier, but instead, like always … i sleep into an unreasonable time. i can tell it is sunny out… the morning at ten am takes me to the house at mimis, just listening to the breeze and chandeliers. it is hard for me to wake up, i have issues right now with needing intimacy. i feel like i need it, but it is really a challenge to learn how to be alone.
the rest of the day is productive, i get a few things done… then spend the early afternoon catching up with people and laying on the deck. it is just the right amount of breezy on the porch, i spend hours laying in the sun like a cat. feeling better getting the vitamin d and scold myself on how i feel as if I'm accomplishing something. i talk to mom for awhile and then change to catch the bus.
it happens quick, i don't have to wait long and the ride two 2nd street is good. i walk around and browse, but i know that i can't afford… nor do i need anything. it is all a waste really and i wish i had realized this awhile ago. i get to the post office just in time to mail shell and lindsey their things. it feels good to just give things up to chance via the mail… we'll see if it works. i walk around some more and then get some juice… catch the bus back and get ready for yoga. the afternoon is still light and busy and six thirty. it is a small class and we focus on the neck and shoulders. i decide to spend almost three hours practicing… two classes with the same teacher. she is such a strange character, but something about her seems…. educated. she really compliments well and i think understands a lot.
it was nice to have a private lesson with her… for the second part of my training. she was able to correct me and also learn my movements and help me to become more aware. I'm using yoga as my physical passion right now. in order for me to love others… i have to learn to love myself. somehow, yoga gets me closer to that feeling. after i walk to the coffee shop to hear music, the green tea latte is perfect and so is the atmosphere… gathered around are a few of the same faces and a few different ones. i notice that ericka from the market sings and writes songs.. she is so beautiful that of course she does. i want to know more, i want to hear more. they are all friends here and it is only my second time… tonight i feel quiet and tired and shy so i decide to head home to eat.
the mostly liquid diet of today feels good and i continue with soup and a few unnecessary snacks. i get upset over my legs and drink horrible tea… then i watch a sermon about how important friendship is in a relationship. i ruined everything with sex all the time. i just don't see how i can hold off until marriage… why must i swim in sin>>>>> but this austin/harry nonsense needs to figure itself out.
really, neither of them exist.
i learn a lot and i make a promise to myself to start singing everyday.
practice makes perfect and if i want to create art that provokes emotion for eternity, then i have much practice… and much work to do.
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