neurotic is a better way to explain my state of mind.
what is it about me putting myself through this crazy life that is doing this to me??????????????????
breathe.
i wake up because of all of the construction. it is loud… but i need to be up anyway. i check the yoga schedule as soon as i wake up and i find that a class is about to start. i stare at the screen and know that… if i don't leave right now, i will not make it. i get dressed, brush my teeth and out the door. it is very warm and sunny.. i get there pretty quickly. it feels good to walk into the warmth of the room and darren. he is a guy closer to my age… i like this look, his voice and he seems very intelligent. i think he is surprised with our, shannon & I ( a beautiful redhead ) skill. the class was tough and a few of the poses i couldn't hold or even complete, but i tried to push through. if felt good to be able to just lay still after. then back out into the heat of the mid afternoon.
the ride home was nice, but against the wind. i spent some time eating and writing.i also laid out on the deck and read a novel that katie had given me when i visited her in the beginning of november. it is about shelley winters who was good friends with marilyn. she said that the book reminded her of me… i decided to read it. i tried to start it a few months ago but didn't get far.. but this time is was much more interesting. i see a lot of parallels' here.. one line in particular about how something in her womanhood being taken away pushed her to be an even better woman.. reminds me of something.
i started to cry a few times during just the first two chapters.
i don't like to think about losing loved ones.
i didn't make it to the market today which was kinda a bummer because i really wanted to get avocados. but money is really tight right now and i need to be thinking about saving as much money as possible. so i just stayed at the ouse and spent time writing and taking naps. the consrouction woke me up again this afternoon and i went and laid again out on the porch. it was just a blessing to able to do this… i like this lifestyle. i can hardly afford it.
i helped ian prepare dinner… a salad and spagetti. i really like to cut things up really small, it reminds me of susie and how she said she lived with an italian family who always cut everything up into small pieces. it makes sense and allows you to be able to digest them better. i really did like dinner better tonight, i guess because i helped create it. the salad was really good and i ate several bowls.
just before dinner i talked to mom and dad on the phone, and changed my flights to two days earlier. i just want to go home right now… I'm very anxious and really need to do something. i need to start making some money soon… but that will happen with time and more MORE dedication. now it is time to focus on so many things that are not money…
i like where i am at.
as much as i would love to be at "home" now… i need the expericene what i have right now. i can see myself just a little older and much much more successful… returning to the beach and having my own "getaway" there. i will always and forever be part of the …. outer banks.
"It's a tragic truth that the kinds of imaginative people who can envision new societies — the intellectuals — are typically not the same people who know how to communicate those visions to the great mass of people. In fact, the intellectuals are often crummy at it. To get people off their butts and out into the streets, you need professional storytellers — writers, artists, songwriters, poets, filmmakers, actors, ritualists — who are gifted at grabbing people by the guts and not letting them go.
Artists are the ones who transform the intellectuals' ideas and visions into heart-level imperatives brimming with deep historical and personal meaning. They're the ones who can inspire vast numbers of people to make the necessary sacrifices, to feel intense bonds of solidarity, and to understand that the work of revolution is the most important work of their lives. You can't do that with a treatise. It takes a manifesto, a movie, a theatrical ritual, a marching song."
six people you need to start a revolution by sara robinson
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