one.hundred.eight.

falling in and out from from place at sleep.

this day was eletricefid by the urgency of  losing my mind.

i want to some up the day quickly. the bike ride has been easier since the winter winters have taken place using the morning. 

i have ven been to a show…. 

i figured out an idea that would show video streaming live so I can see the upcoming shows. i really did feel bait pbi crazy this morning i didn't relate to my clients at all. it was kinda akward, who? like if all the condtionsiop treating isn't the buy… you  joust give it p and have differing ones for different… houses I'm sure. 

we are kinda a dark and m.

is we unvoer the history. i do'tthink its for me to know …

sleep writing. 

i read shelley winters out on the patio porch this afternoon. katie gave me the book before we left to go out of town. i tried to start reading it months ago… i dress like a boy?

One.hundred.eight. (Continued)

I kept falling asleep and had no interest in recalling my day.

But overall it was good, I wasn't feeling the hair appointment that I was scheduled.. I didn't connect with her. Her color turned out decent... Simple and quick process. The remainder of the day was slow. I ate a good protein lunch of egg and avocado and chicken salad, then walked to spend some time with niya. She was cleaning her store and I could tell she wasn't that into it... We went for a stroll through the neighborhood, drinking coffee and looking in iguana gift shop. It was really colorful in there, I enjoyed the candles.. Particularly rain scent. It reminded me of Mimi... And her candle obsession. Everything in the little shop was nice, I just have not one dime to spend. I actually stop to pick up dimes.. It's money and it's on the street, the floor...

We stumbled onto a yard sale that was just around the corner and browsed through some of the stuff... Niya found a nice set of chopsticks for only a dollar. I didn't even have that to spend. 

I spent a lot of time sitting on the back patio and reading the autobiography of Shelley winters. She reminds me of myself for some reason ... Something about her determination. I  haven't completed a book in a while.. But I'm interested in her. It was nice to just sit in the quiet and enjoy... The setting sun of the day. It reminded me of the evenings in south mills, my peaceful country childhood. 

I was thankful for the work time to end. I was really frustrated with my "life" right now. I'm just in a rut of sorts... One that is making me sick. I think depression is setting in and I am not making enough of the "happy" chemical. It is beginning to take a toll on my physical being. I guess life does happen and the weight starts to set in... But I need to check myself soon. I refuse to be heavy... The only way to accomplish my goals is to be physically and mentally light.

I was so thankful to come home and just clean. The construction is almost completed but everything is a mess. I wiped everything down, vacuumed and washed my bedding. I think it made a difference. I haven't been sleeping well... Or breathing that good. It's taking a toll on my body. I spent time cooking myself dinner and drinking whiskey... Listening to NPR concerts on the big screen. I've decided that I need there to be a live feed for the hound dogs show.. How cool would that be.. Then I could just sit in my living room and watch it. 

Delusional? I may be.. Joey yelled it at me... He said I was. But is it true. 

London said he could feel the electricity of my madness... "I have lost my mind." 

Ever had a day where you didn't want to exist? I don't know was is real or fake anymore.