it wasn't so hard to wake up early this morning. i was excited about the day. a chance to see vidiya, we haven't had a class with her in awhile. i was willing to wake up with the sun just to see her. i took a moment to read a bible poem… I'm reconsidering my morning routine. i met ali at 3rd place, it was cool and cloudy outside, her gray car blended in, i didn't even see her for a minute. this is a good way to start the morning. making my day seem like it took an eternity. he's doing this for good reason, i have to trust him.
we show up and no vidiya. you can her the disappointment in ali's voice… after we had just heard the smallest moment at a workout class. "i will punch you in the face…" excuse me. we walk in to be greeted by simon. he is a lovely black man, dreads piled on his head. i was very excited about this. we rushed in and settled a few places apart. i sat up for a while to grasp my thoughts, struggling to stay in the present. his voice and body description plan was perfect. effortless and strong. that is how he made me feel… i haven't felt that fluid since anne. it was nice to have something to look up to.. he corrected me a lot today. i needed it… its like i was standing on the edge and couldn't push myself anymore. he helped me. this a bealutufil way to start the morning, streching out and letting the blood flow. it fixs things, if people want to know your answer, its very simple. take care of yourself.
i showed london my note that i wrote myself march 28 2011…do not fall in love with a rockstar… divine inspiration… and have a bag packed, ready for the airport.
i should do that tonight.
the girls laugh about this, but it is true and good advice that i needed to hear. i tend to fall in love with… projects.
the day last forever and the phone hardly rings. i decide to leave the scene and disappear to the porch, for a very long while. i was able to talk to all my favorite people today. it was actually a really fun day. i talked to mom, she was on her way to go shopping with leanne. i told her about austin, i couldn't help it. i just felt that need to share, i mean the rest of what i have going on right now is kinda boring. i talked to chris as well. he is such a stable soul in my life, the early years when he would just play guitar to me over the phone, i think i was in the seventh or eight grade .it was such a blessing.. then i called beck, no answer.. so lindsey. i screamed when i heard her voice. it was such a blessing to be with her last summer. i am so sorry and promise i will never betray a friend like that again. she is so amazing and a chilling staple in my life. i've missed her voice. she cheered me on but quickly had to go have dinner. perfect timing… becky called and she was so excited to talk. just getting off work… friday afternoon. we caught up and shared a few stories. she is falling in love with jackson. he is a good one. I'm glad she has him, we are all connecting and staying with people now… its a good thing for the world. single is a rebellion in a way. not willing to compromise.
all of my conversation ended with a walk in from yesterday, she wanted her bangs shorter, which is fine. they are a tough thing to keep up with… i had to pass up a blow out to redo another color. but honestly it was fine, i wasn't thrilled with all the chemicals. i'll pass on that. the day flowed nicely, an awkward mens haircut, i just don't give hugs after haircuts.. that is pretty simple. he said i was cutting his hair too short… oh well. i spent some time curling a women's hair, it was something that i hope made her feel better. london returned with good news, he bought a chicken and boiled it… me made us a really good dinner. this skinny girl can eat sometimes. I'm just like a floating orphan. our walk down the street was nice, its good to change it up a bit. he enjoys my company, i enjoy his. his house was cute, small but nice. not that organized and loriane (the silver and white pit) was a pretty sight. she had a good personality, a creature to pass the time. we put on some music and he cooked me dinner. i sat at the table and watched and learned how to cook. he is southern gentleman, adopting a little girl from north carolina. he made me tea in a teal old tea pot, that fit my fingers perfectly. the tea i chose was something that i had had in my past… i don't quite recall the exact details. but i smelled it and i could sense the place… sort of. it reminded me of mimi and she quickly became the topic of night. my music was all over the place… changed it to jazz before the meal. we looked at this "laboratory". he has good creations, with some inspiration and some fun we could make really cool stuff together. clothes and fabric, a world that i would love to get involved with. one day at a time.
the food was so good, i think it is exactly what i needed. i was feeling so anxious and dizzy. my teeth hurt from brushing, they aren't white enough anymore… and i need to floss more. i was almost done with my meal when glen (his husband) came home. he is a quiet guy at first… i learned a bit of his story. he is an intelligent man, and he said something that sparked my interest about faith. once you test it and you see it stands true, that i faith… something like that. london said some random things… we discussed austin a bit more. "you guys will be like mickey and mallory knox, like from natural borne killer… not as drugged out as sid & nancy…" we will do amazing things together.. if only we were not like adam and eve and tasted our pleasure so soon. it builds unnesscary walls and now i feel… just weird. but i liked it… like wolves. howling at the moon. that is who we are, i asked for forgiveness. i know that i have sinned. thinking about it gives me energy and drains me dry… distracts me from the main objective. i failed the test. i know that i have… and i must live in my present now.
we walked a few blocks with loriane to cafe neo. it was a quaint place on the corner, a jagged yellow building to have dessert. sitting outside i was a bit chilly, it is only march. we had cheesecake and mousse, a cup of coffee. i shared a few stories… i guess i can be a bit interesting. his name reappears again. glen mentions he heard that name twice today, that must mean something.
the two sided gemini. i know all their sides too well.. i hope he is a good guy.
the blood stains on my chest tell me otherwise.
i share the funny parts… if only i had a movie. but stories change often and are kinda the same. i wish i would've had more fun, instead of being so calm and dramatically boring. thats how i am.. standing in awe of god's creation the entire time… and not knowing when i would see my family and friends again… love sickness… that all played a factor in me having a hard time just letting go.
i hardly ever let go honestly. we walk back after i tell an exgarrerated story about halloween night. this story is NEVER to be told again. i will keep my mouth shut.
there is so much more to know.. "there always is."
they graciously take me home, bayside so i can meet my roomies to watch "our" show. shameless. i am kinda late and can't seem to focus. i suppose the caffeine did it… but i was falling asleep and bored. at this point in my life i have no time to spend watching tv. i've seen enough today. i need to stop chasing fame and look for infamous. this is where i belong, and I'm bringing my friends and lovers with me.
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