seventy.eight.

things have to speed up soon. i need a reality shift, something to make things more… a reason to wake up. i need a push of innovation and creation… of more excitement than i can see now.

i slept in until an unreasonable hour this afternoon, i just don't see a reason to pull myself out of my comfortable dark room. but I'm just being still and non productive, i can't even remember my dreams. i don't feel up to doing yoga, its very windy out and i feel… sick. its mainly in my mind that i would feel sooo…. antisocial. i am so bored. i have to write again, since i keep putting it off, until later. boring. i eat quickly and try and stay out of rosiaros way while she cleans. i decided to go to ali's' and hang out with syd while i sat on the porch in the sun… to soak up some light. there is no need to be a vampire all the time. i feel that i need more movement in my hips. i am beginning to feel the settling here. i move slower and everything is sore and stiff, not a pleasant feeling. i guess this is getting old. i have a few sights in my head for drawing. i feel antsy and frustrated. mainly frustrated and angry that what i saw in my head, i couldn't transfer on paper. instead i got a tangled mess. of big lights and a spider on the table. i liked my detail, but it didn't take me long and the soundtrack was perfect. funky jazz music, the wind was crazy out, blowing sand everywhere. i sat out here for hours and drew… worked on the lines… made tea, until ali got home. 

we hung out on the porch awhile, then we walked to cafe ambrosia and had snacks or shall i say… dinner, with syd on the patio. i do enjoy this place, like we are tucked away in our own secret garden. the bloody mary's and cake… lots of good food. too much money for what its worth, but you just have to every once in awhile. this was our treat, so we could sit together and talk about having kids one day and how society puts together this life time line, that we feel like we have to follow… while really we have it all wrong. i know we do… else i wouldn't feel this way.

then we hang out and get high… drinking and painting. i painted a rose… I'm not sure where it came from.. maybe because i sketched ali's wedding bouquet earlier, but i wrote a poem that fit perfectly along the side. my walk back to my place was confusing, i still can't believe that this is my life sometimes. its all very surreal. i come home… to wash my face and eat too much. i just need some art form… a photographer to come into my life… and take the most bizarre pictures, using me as a muse… as an art form. this is what i ask for. 

lord. please keep me going strong… interested in the present tense.