sixty.

(I'm writing this is following morning. something i strive not to do.)

the ride to work was chilly, i think my tire is going flat so it makes it harder to bike. that's fine, the extra work is probably good for me. its cloudy again and the traffic is somewhat calm. listening to harry sing me songs, what much comfort that brings me. i get to work on time and I'm startled to see Robert, i suddenly remembered it was saturday… did i miss a meeting? no… i also forgot that i had a client first thing, my week is sideways. and everything is off. I'm very apathetic about all this, work in general. she is a repeat, one of my first clients when i arrived at the loft… paris & her mother. i wish that would've let her know that i wasn't feeling it… i wasn't thrilled with her hair either. with each passing day i feel like tammy, especially now that I'm doing younger girls hair and i can't relate with them anymore. i know that i am growing up, I'm almost a grown up. afterwards i wander about it and eat too much sugar and donuts, try and balance it with tea. things are getting weird. i don't feel that well and there is no where for me to escape in this building. i spend some time flipping through a magazine about how to enjoy LA, how to afford it… i stumble on an article about taking dancing lessons, the tango to be exact. this is something i have always wanted to do.. something so romantic and intimate, but it has nothing to do with sex. originating on the border of argentina and uruagray.. it spread to the US during the 1920s during the "romantic age". its a dance that requires a lot of submission from the woman, and leading of the man… i would imagine for it to actually work.. you would need to love that other person. i know that dancers claim you have dance partner… then lovers… i guess its no different than boyfriends and lovers.. its just not the same. who knows. i would like to find out. of course i thought about the people i would love to tango with… i know a few. i text austin, haven't heard from him in days.. since the last time. i am nervous but just need to crack the ice, he's letting me jump in first. "i've always wanted to learn how to tango."

i found this clever in my mind. it really was rhetorical and required no detail of emotion towards the other night. it was just a random thought that meant more than i would ever know.. a simple reminder that i wasn't setting everything on fire quite yet. i shouldn't be so paranoid, he's just like me. he is doing the same things that i am doing… he is just much more balanced. like london said.. "he's just taking a nap." ha. i eat some lunch and become very uninterested in the salon, basically over it and i fall asleep sitting up on the couch. niya comes in her with little puppy… jasper. and wakes me, she laughs. girl, what are you doing. we go for a walk around the neighborhood… the sun is out and it feels nice. our stroll is slow, her puppy would've preferred us go faster… but i wanted to take a look around at my surroundings. we have small talk about boys and woe is our silly lives. busy with boys, school and work… and trying on clothes. i want to help her with this store, i really like it… it has so much character and potential. soon i will be able to help her, i could see us working together. she makes me feel better, its nice to have a friend, it's like we've been friends for awhile. after wandering about for an hour or so…austin returns my text.

 "teach me when you do". 

a rush of relief poors over me, i think this means that everything is going to be okay with us. it is still just casual, neither of us should leave, as a matter of fact… we are not going to leave, this only makes us stronger. i want to be with him.

i walk in to a salon that is quieter than i left it. such a slow saturday afternoon. i stand around and kill time again, i should be doing more.. but i have no purpose there right now… that is a lame excuse. we leave early and i am glad that i can bike home before it gets dark. the little things excite me. back to harry's songs… his voice is something i could be with for years. its just so perfect. so blend able that he sounds like every artist i've ever heard, that has to mean something. so cocky and humble and multi talented. he is like no other human i have or ever will encounter. but i believe the strings are vast… another soul can still connect to me, and same for him I'm sure. 

i receive my stella and dot "tools". or jewelry, it is sort of exciting but i have to work for it now. it shouldnt be that over whelming.