sixty.one.

i wake up early, slightly confused about my evening, i went to be early and had a hard time sleeping, after the sweats and tossing. it was early but i could hear the birds chirping outside, i had slept enough, it was time to get up. i texted jason about church, he was lying in bed as well… its hard to get up this early. we agreed on keeping our plans, i got ready quickly… excited to wear my dress and hat. i like that i could get dressed up. i walked down the sidewalk and a lady smiled and said happy easter to me. it was perfect timing, he picked me up at 3rd and off we go. it is dark and cloudy outside, a cool spring breeze. it feels comfortable with him, he is a really nice guy. the roads are slow and quiet this morning, we are able to find a parking space quickly. the early service still has room… i glance around. its nice to see all these people, they are all headed in the right direction. seeing the light spring colors is refreshing as well. i learned a few things this morning, about the details that i have never noticed before. the datails of the story of this day. the day that he rose from the dead and saved our souls. funny how this day symbolizes everything, but so many people are just over it, they are not aware. the end of the service brings tears to my eyes, i felt all this emotion, this loneliness, yet flashes of visions of my future, it was so very exciting. i was very overwhelmed, and the fact that there was a saxophone… made it so much better. i wasn't feeling that well and i needed someone to just hug me… the tears streaming down my face… walking outside, the chill of the air felt good. it was time to go… the garden tour was cancelled, it was cloudy and they were closed for the day. i needed to finsih writing, and spend some time catching up… instead i took a nap. i felt sick and tired, i still do… my dreams were very vivid and stange, somewhat lucid. i could control some of what was going on, i remember london setting the building on fire, it was out in the middle of no where with tarps on it. i remember there still being pople in there, i had forgotten my scissors and had enough time to go rescue them. then i was wandering around with niya, she reassured me that it was ok and that jobless was a temporary thing. i think that the loft is just a transition place for me. there is so much more out there, more inspiration. i woke up a few times and tossed about, debating to get up or stay in bed. the neighbors had kids outside and they were so loud and annoying… they were playing buckets and being so loud… talking about making a band. good luck. i got up to eat a snack and text a few people. i was excited about my dinner with london and glen. he came to get me and pick his friend sarah up.. she lives right around the corner. i was excited to meet any girl… she reminds me of shell or lucy. london had been cooking all day and made the most fabulous meal. i was very excited to eat some real food. he got very creative with the meal… i liked the zucchini and squash salad a lot. the entire meal was perfect. sarah and i sat and began to get to know each other. i am very interested in her, she is from new jersey, so she understands what i am doing. she understands a lot actually. she was just in an art show, i need people like her in my life to keep me… motivated. london made some desert and then we sat around and talked and looked through random things… found mad hatter hits of acid. i like things like that. i don't know if i should do things like this in my future… some doors do not need to be opened. i read a book about love in the 1930s-1940s. it was a simpler time, with no cell phones and actual real human relationships. i have so much to learn. the night went by quickly and soon it was late. then home. i still feel very sick but i can't sleep. i draw a strange snake and a mouth. i knows whose it is… all this is austin. he is all over my thoughts but no where to be found. he is a brilliant boy. i need to see his mouth again. i also need to rest to get over this cold.