ninety.seven.

it was hard to get up.

i didn't feel like going to work.

i mixed up the rountiue by waking up early and doing my make.up… then falling back to sleep for about twenty minutes, after writing about my previous day.

it was nice getting back in bed… but then i had to feel the pain of waking up twice. the dream that i had was really strange, colorful and vivid. (see 5.6.13 swsu)

it was a good day at work. i immediately got a call in apportionment. monday is nice because it is quiet and the chances are higher. 

jasmine, she wanted a haircut and style. she was going to see her boyfriend's father near san francisco.

she is a natural healer with stones, she makes jewelry. i liked that she was sure in herself. she needed to tell me about my future. the vision she had… my artwork would be known, bright… colorful… vivid. like a dream. they would be big and sell for thousands… but i would only make a few a year. i would meet the right people by doing hair. that is my web. my connection. i would have gallery shows in the area & LA. i am determined.. did she say strong willed? it leaves me. i should rest now while i have this "downtime".

perfect.

i spent some time with london on the porch while he read ghost stories from ireland on the porch.

i needed to get a fix from coffee… to the library. went into niya's store and checked out the floor… i liked the color and patterns we chose, a lot darker. tom was in there and i wanted to talk to him about the salon he just opened. he is a character, i not sure about him still. we'll see.

the evening was busy with good clients. lots of good conversations. neil is a good client, so is rob… he will be. we talked about asheville and the critters… i showed him the band. he shared some good stories with me.  and then patti. one of my first clients. she works at the movie theater. i liked the movement in her cut.

my ride home was windy and dark… hung out with oliver in the kitchen awhile after dinner. he let me try one of his chocolate treats, really good. we talked for some time. said he learned a lot about me when he had to go move things for construction. i paint..i write a blog. i am a character. said he was starting to see "roots" from me.

met matt tonight, from illinois. something about him i like immediately . his dry sarcasm like a real like peter from family guy… but like brian more witty smarts. silly. we talked about all kinds of things… fur coats.

i made a mad hat talent to do list. it must get accomplished soon. 

i needed to wash my hair… was going to color it. but it is behaving too well… i want to just be with this hair forever. it is mine and there is no need to change it. "brings me closer with mother earth" as london would say. i decided to not wash… drink some vodka… smoke my new weeds… and paint my nails. fell asleep after listening to stay over and over and over… i have work to do. 

ninety.six.

the dreary morning keeps me laying in a bit longer than i needed… the wind made my bike ride more difficult. i switched the soundtrack, that made it better. a band call "queen of hearts" was first… that is appropriate.

once at work the whirlwind proceeded. i was so thankful to have something on my books. karen was coming in to get her extensions, which would be my first official client getting this service. i did a good job at matching the color perfectly and even the measurements i was able to judge well. i spent a lot of time with her and made sure that i did the sectioning and sewing neatly. i love sewing and piecing together the "fabric". the finished product was wonderful, once again… i should've taken a picture. oh well, usually just the joy of the client and the self reassurance that i can do the job… is enough for me. i don't need a record.

my next client was micheal.. a quickly tall blonde guy that reminded me of allen. his hair turned well and i really enjoyed his company. he is a photographer and his girlfriend "tara" is a classical singer. we hit it off well and shared stories about photos and traveling across the country. he asked me if i did hair and make.up for print work and that he needed a stylist. i would love to work with him…

the rest of the day was slow and quiet. i suppose that the "holiday" cinco de mayo" may have had something to do with it. there were a lot of people out and about on broadway. i was ready to leave long before seven… i watched a few you tube videos on how to make maxi skirts, which i need to be doing immediately. they are so in style and i have access to all the right people and things… i just need the materials and the practice. 

i think that i would enjoy my evenings even more if i could come home to make projects like… clothes.

it is the only thing that will prevent me from shopping really. how do you kill a shopping addiction? you make clothes.

we sat around and watched the clock… laughing and watching susie color, cut and dry shannon's hair. it was funny to talk about how horrible kids were in high school… the mean nick names and how you got along with others. thinking back, i guess i got along with everyone. they liked me…i was smart and had huge boobs so the guys liked me. i was sporty and got along somewhat well with the girls. they were probably more jealous of me than i realize, but i was just busy and clueless to take notice.

i came home and wasn't that hungry.. wandered around the house, watched some interesting things on ted talks for about an hour… chatted with daniel and then went in my room to create something. i painted on a cork board that i will use soon to dislapy patterns and affirmations about mathat creations. this is the company that i need to focus on. maybe getting a business license first and then… a trademark on the name? i wish i knew more about this… i will have to study it some, quickly though. i feel urgency in everything that i do now. like someone may just pull the rug from under my feet.

i painted my nails… wrote a poem about my california king at home. i started to remember that house and all the fun times i had with all the boys… all the girls… it was just a golden time in my life. but as i was reminded with daniel the other night, i already had that time. i don't necessarily want it again, i will always have it in my mind, it happened… but now i have to move on. i had the most beautiful boys on the island in the kitchen for haircuts. alex, sterling, dana, harry… tupper. i had lovely ones to kiss on the red couch… joey and dave…. josh. it was all too much. all these boys were major distractions for me, but they were also the motivation to keep going. i knew that if these beautiful creatures were part of my art…. then only better or "just as good" was to come. that house will hold these treasures forever and ever. every time i go "home" to see my parents, i will remember those treasures. and laugh a little inside knowing that it was and is our time. 

ninety.five.

it was hard to get up at six thirty, the sun was hardly up and being so comfortable in my bed i thought that i would text niya and see if she responded. instead of getting up immediately i laid there until the very last minute that i could. i jumped up and got ready… she got to my house just little after seven fifteen. we were off to la on this cloudy morning, i was excited to see what this adventure would entail. 

maple st is in the garment district and the fashion district, racks and racks of clothes lined the streets and people were everywhere. crazy to think that this started at five in the morning. i was overwhelmed with choices so you had to switch your brain to think in terms of color, pattern and material. it was nice to have plenty of time to shop around and look at the choices. buyers choose the trends…its up to them to pick through the madness and decide what goes in the stores. this was all like a dream to me, actually it reminded of a dream… as usual. we had a not so good burrito outside and then proceeded to shop around finding some really cool maxi dresses and tank tops, i even managed to spot a zip zag top for myself. i feel complplety ridiculous that i would spend full price anymore on clothes, now that i know what the prices could be… at wholesale. this morning may have been the beginning of a lovely team between niya and i. i love the support that she gives me… i think she likes my company. we chose about six items for the store and that was good. it was amazing that we could get away with just that, then we headed back to long beach. it was almost eleven and i had just enough time to help hang some of the clothes, try on an amazing purple shirt that i wore for the day and grab a dirty chai coffee before heading to the loft. 

it was a slower saturday, which i was thankful that i could live on the shopping high. so many possiblites! were running through my head about how i wanted to transform my life into one that i can relax and have more time to just "be" and deal with fashion and actually making clothes. now that i have put my mind to this… i can make it happen. it is just this vortex of time and money that keeps sucking me away from what i want to be doing. i spent some time writing about the day before… and i didn't even finish. the day before kinda bored me and that is why i can't seem to get the writing done. 

the day turned out to be beautiful and i spent some time siting on the porch with london and jordan… then my two o'clock color stood me up which upset me and i decided to just continue to eat to pass the time. i did manage to get a walk-in male haircut… he came in with his girlfriend. they were both kinda drunk but really nice, just wasn't really into the haircut. it turned out nice and he complimented my webiste and the weirdness of the photos. seeing this older couple reminded me that one day… i will indeed get old, but i will be wise.

the rest of the day passed by kinda slow… i looked at pictures of boys with dreads with london for hours… then breezed through alex's tumblr account and remembered what my life used to be… too bad i managed to only be in one photo, which is brilliant for how much i was actually there. i liked photos of harry, performing almost two years ago… that was the good stuff. 

shannon gave me a ride home, the weather had turned cold and cloudy quick and i no longer felt like walking or catching the bus. we chatted a minute and now that she lives so close… maybe i could actually spend some times with her, which i believe would really benefit her life. 

i was glad to come home to some quiet but i needed to get high or something… ali wasn't responding to my texts so i spent the evening chatting with daniel and after taking shots of tequila with andrew and oliver… we got high on the front porch and talked about life … and really important things until ian come home, around evelven. he caught us watching the tiny desk concerts again on the big screen… its our secret addiction. it was nice that daniel said things like i belonged here and had my hands in a million non profit jobs right now… they chose me as a roommate because they liked me.

i thought that i was going to sleep and i got a text from allen, he wanted to talk.

it was good to hear his voice on the phone, as we don't really phone chat much.. but it was perfect to catch up with what is happening and to hear someone so familiar that was excited that i was here doing what i need to be doing. he did almost the same thing as me when he was in his twenties… and sometimes the hardest things you accomplish are what is worth….. everything. he said that lindsey and him talked about me for minute and how the "unicorns" missed having me around. it really is a magical land back home, one so small and absurd that i will no doubt go down in history there… i am from there, i belong there… but the fact that i mysteriously disappeared to do these life changing things all the way on the other side of the world… says a lot about how strong and independent i am. i guess i was trying to prove that point all along. 

ninety.four.

my odd sleep patterns helped me get up earlier this morning. i set the alarm for really early thinking that i would get up and get ready just in case they started working on the water pipes and shut off the water… but of course the morning came and i couldn't even get out of bed… fifteen minutes earlier helps.

i was excited about my first client, he is someone to look forward to seeing again. he teaches music class for a start-up art school…

Taking a break.. I fell asleep trying to finish my train of thoughts. 

The hair cuts today were good. It was good to have a steady flow of business, I really needed the money today... I think I even acquired a few new clients. One client in particular, first thing in the morning gave me a wonderful compliment, he liked my blog. That actually means alot to me... Because he is a music teacher at an arts school. He said it was a good layout of nonsense that read like a song. A very random mysterious feed... All those descriptions I enjoyed. 

Another client who remembered me from months ago was also a breath of fresh air... He was interviewing with google in San Francisco, I gave him the advice that the universe has been giving me.. Visualize your future, then it will happen, but you have to believe and see it first. It has worked for me and he was so stoked to have this information... He complimented my website as well. All these small gestures mean so much to me, each one leading up to keeping me trying to produce and make more work. The afternoon lead me to niya's boutique and we went for our usual walk around the block with Mexican ice cream. It was warm out today as we slowly rounded the corners and then headed to the beach. She invited me to go shopping in the fashion district early Saturdays morning... The highlight of my week. It was so exciting to get invited on this adventure. 

I needed a client to cancel so I could come in late... I used my thoughts to work this out.. He called and canceled shortly after, so that worked out perfectly. Sitting on the porch brainstorming and chatting with london, I realize that I'm good at being content quietly... I can fill my brain with positive thoughts. 

I give it just a few more months of planning and brain storming... And then I can start to make moves. 

I was booked until the end and rushed out to spend time with Ali and Ian's friends from out of town. The evening was cooling off and the sunset was absolutely amazing... A cotton candy wonderland. 

I hurried in the house sweating and changed... Some friends were at the house and AAron was there, haven't seen him in awhile. It was good to hang out in my closet with him, our usual. Quickly changing and walked to Ali's. 

once I showed up, I was immediately introduced to three boys.. Two of which ian grew up with. New boys... I thought quickly in my head... Changed my mind and decided that I wasn't interested in any of them. It was fun to hang out on the porch with a tipsy Ali cat... I needed to relax and smoke weed... And then we took a cab downtown to grab some food. It was kinda lame, quiet.. It's just not what I am into anymore. I don't really like beer and the food wasn't good.. But I wasn't that hungry.

Everything is just boring and dragging out now. Friday and Saturday are just not my days anymore because I have no desire to meet a guy at a bar.. Spend money on alcohol or be in a crowded spot with bad music. There is nothing worse than all of that... And those were our choices for the evening. After ian and Ali fought it out at the table.. We headed home, losing two of the boys to club hopping. Back to the Oceanside apartment, I'm just so quiet Derrick said.. He was interested and asked questions.. I have a hard time even talking to new people because I don't know what to say other than really ridiculous philosophical things like... What is your passion? That isn't always the most appropriate first question ... For someone that you just met. I did connect with Derrick just alittle bit, he liked to ask questions and liked my answer.. "What do you like to do?" Dance. That is .... What I love. And listen to good music. The high that you get from listening to the sounds. It's the chords that keep people in, it's the sounds that they can relate to. I stayed up too late for no reason... and quickly walked home, remembering what austin said about walking like you are on a mission, people will leave you alone. 

ninety.three.

"God is an artist. So are we. And we can cooperate with each other. Our creative dreams and longings do come from a divine source, not from the human ego." julia cameron (via sarah woodhouse)

so it seems that boredom has consumed my body and i am tired of work already. i had a hard time getting up and an upset stomach… dragged on throughout the day. it was good that the sun was out because it definitely helped me get to work. i enjoyed listening to ichymane for my ride… something about the comfort of voices that i love… gets me through just a few more hours. 

i walk into the usual silence of the salon, but i like the crew on thursdays. it is nice to just have a few people there because it keeps drama down to a minimum. i was lucky enough to have a client request me, seems people really like the pictures i put up on the website.

she was an absolute pleasure to be with, a very happy… lively woman who did need help with her hair. it had been damaged with too many chemicals and just needed a good cut. 

we talked about art… and how her girlfriend just quit her job to pursue her passion.

i admire this a lot… and here i am laying in bed at four in the morning… writing.

this is my passion.

my stomach is so sick and i can't decide if it is from stress… or just upset from something i ate, but it has been bothering me all day. i can't seem to focus on what i am doing here.

canceling things absolutely makes me sick and all day i have been worrying with this "job" that i should be doing in LA with will and garrett. it is important that i be there and i see now that dropping everything to make it to these "jobs" is important. but what works out will… what doesn't… well that is just how it will happen.

i really need to get serious with how things are going go here. i am not pushing myself hard enough. i am not working hard enough…at all for what i need to be doing. 

it just upsets me that this entire "california" trip is right in front of my eyes… and all i can see is home.

but in reality home bores me. the angels have a plans for me out here… if i would just stop trying to resist it.

i need to become smarter with my money, more sound in my faith and stronger in my talents/art.

then i need to get over these silly boys. fuck all the boys… and then stop sleeping with them and they'll follow you around forever. that is the simple trick to boys. do not sleep with them… and they will be there.

i have a few good examples of these boys, they have become to be some of my best friends.

what do i really miss at home?

people that support me. if i will just allow myself to get close to people tere, then i would understand how i just need to relax, invest time into others and they will do the same for me.

breathing.

i bike home and immediately get online to practice tips on singing. it takes up about an hour, this is my first lesson… day one. i get distracted and tired and go and eat an unnessesary dinner and then… I'm tired. after texting sarah for a bit… a girl (client from work) asks me to go salsa dancing, but i must pass on this for the night. it is time to invest in some dancing shoes… and soon. 

i feel compelled to create something but i am too tired and i just write instead. I'm kind of a mess… 

i wake up to all the lights on (my new sleeping pattern) and an email from faith to cancel the show. for some reason i feel terrible about this and now my anxiety level is up again…. my stomach tells me that.

ninety.two.

this day was supposed to start earlier, but instead, like always … i sleep into an unreasonable time. i can tell it is sunny out… the morning at ten am takes me to the house at mimis, just listening to the breeze and chandeliers. it is hard for me to wake up, i have issues right now with needing intimacy. i feel like i need it, but it is really a challenge to learn how to be alone. 

the rest of the day is productive, i get a few things done… then spend the early afternoon catching up with people and laying on the deck. it is just the right amount of breezy on the porch, i spend hours laying in the sun like a cat. feeling better getting the vitamin d and scold myself on how i feel as if I'm accomplishing something. i talk to mom for awhile and then change to catch the bus. 

it happens quick, i don't have to wait long and the ride two 2nd street is good. i walk around and browse, but i know that i can't afford… nor do i need anything. it is all a waste really and i wish i had realized this awhile ago. i get to the post office just in time to mail shell and lindsey their things. it feels good to just give things up to chance via the mail… we'll see if it works. i walk around some more and then get some juice… catch the bus back and get ready for yoga. the afternoon is still light and busy and six thirty. it is a small class and we focus on the neck and shoulders. i decide to spend almost three hours practicing… two classes with the same teacher. she is such a strange character, but something about her seems…. educated. she really compliments well and i think understands a lot.

it was nice to have a private lesson with her… for the second part of my training. she was able to correct me and also learn my movements and help me to become more aware. I'm using yoga as my physical passion right now. in order for me to love others… i have to learn to love myself. somehow, yoga gets me closer to that feeling. after i walk to the coffee shop to hear music, the green tea latte is perfect and so is the atmosphere… gathered around are a few of the same faces and a few different ones. i notice that ericka from the market sings and writes songs.. she is so beautiful that of course she does. i want to know more, i want to hear more. they are all friends here and it is only my second time… tonight i feel quiet and tired and shy so i decide to head home to eat.

the mostly liquid diet of today feels good and i continue with soup and a few unnecessary snacks. i get upset over my legs and drink horrible tea… then i watch a sermon about how important friendship is in a relationship. i ruined everything with sex all the time. i just don't see how i can hold off until marriage… why must i swim in sin>>>>> but this austin/harry nonsense needs to figure itself out.

really, neither of them exist.

i  learn a lot and i make a promise to myself to start singing everyday.

practice makes perfect and if i want to create art that provokes emotion for eternity, then i have much practice… and much work to do.

ninety.one.

i skipped yoga this morning and stayed in bed. it felt terrible… i needed something. some intimacy, but i don't get that… i crave it all day.  like a fix that i can't tackle. getting errands done, things that let me think… laundry, eating. this day is quiet and cloudy out… but now it's time to run and make this day a much better one. it is just for me. this quiet time that i will rest in… saving it for the days when everything in the world is on my plate.

making a quick lunch and watching the dreariness outside… my eggs and spinach mix was really good. happy for my creation, maybe one day (again) i'll have some one to share it with. maybe thats what i miss… someone. but i have learned to accept this quiet time. this time to think and be alone. i've learned to like it more & more with time. i just need to stop focusing and "wishing" for this "someone". because actually he is not here…at all.

i went for a run to ali's and we hung out with syd and ate granola for awhile. the dog beach is near by… the sun has decided to make an appearance and that makes the clouds look really amazing. it was so beautiful and interesting… i just wanted to run forever. but instead i had to look down… it was fun running circles around sydney. not many people there. ali & i run really well together, for how much we didn't used to do this in our youth. we both did play sports though… i think that aids in our ability to get along well and work together. i need to be more active and get outside, stretch and be a part of this world. we went to ulta …quickly… to spend a ridiculous amount money. this is where i just happen to find matte top coat!!! it was right at eye level… funny how the mind finds what it wants. this really made my day. and then to whole foods for groceries. i do love whole foods, just the atmosphere… and the boys are cute. we snacked on chocolate and spent money together, that is what we do. 

she cooked a lovely meal for ian and i and then we painted. it was good to just sit down and enjoy the peacefulness of simply moving paint around. i had an image that i've wanted to recreate… the sunset over kansas. the one that just keep going, we were driving towards it, one of the most beautiful sights i've seen.  that time will inspire me for a lifetime. it will also…. haunt me.

i felt good about the painting. we practiced using mediums and mixing them with paint. sometimes you just can't plan on anything happening. my painting style shows this. but i could also do a few works of art that take time… that i work on for awhile. for that i almost just need a studio space. 

ninety.

this day was a bit of nothingness and a lot of dreaming. day dreaming. i almost want to not write about this day… i did not want to get up this morning. 

i did not really want to go to work… so i wore my favorite sneaker heels and my blue volcom pants, saw a picute of oleysa on instagram… funny, she was wearing the same outfit. i played around a bit… rearranged the porch and cleaned the mirror. decided that today i would do #rooftopfashion for awhile. london and i decided that we were supposed to be fashion designers. i read off an inspirational quote about style. something not that many people have. i did a thourough job of coloring his hair and then spent the rest of the day coloring a clients extensions. the cloudy dreary day was quiet all day at the salon. i sat around with a little hung over summer and we talked about boys… i probably told her too many secrets.. but what fun is it to have them if you can't share, sometimes. i was able to get out of there on time.. and came home to discover something so amazing. daniel was doing homework and listening to npr music on the big screen in the living room. the sound is great… in the living room.  like we had our own private show of all the good indie bands. i was so intrigued and sucked in the i skipped yoga… telling myself that i would go early in the morning. i just wanted more music. i spent hours listening to the beautiful intimate setting of the tiny little office. i just couldn't stop… it reminded me of how unbelievably i am spoiled. I'm a spoiled little princess that will never understand… my power. 

a mocha americano is my new coffee drink… i got it from the library earlier in the day, just after discussing how women have "needs" and sex will pay for anything. it is the answer to getting your way. women have this power… and if used properly, it can solve all the... problems.

I'm addicted to something. I'm not sure what this poison is that is in my blood… but I'm everywhere and nowhere at once. i decided to write a song… after texting leanne for awhile about music and boys… i have to . i have so many emotions. there is no fountain of youth and if i don't do it RIGHT NOW. the moment will be gone. nothing last… it comes to past. (I'm listening to acoustic avett brothers now on npr, late in the afternoon of the following day, I'm dragging… this writing is dragging me down)

i spent hours writing, singing and learning how to play the piano on my iPad, then started to feel overwhelmed and crazy… passed out and had weird dreams that i haven't had time to recall yet. 

eighty.nine.

it was a struggle to wake up this morning. i was completely over work…and being on time. i waited until the last minute to get out of bed and then rushed through my routine. i had to bike so quick to work, i think it only took me about ten minutes. i was late to work… but i was on time according to the "big" clock… which i was informed that is was slow. 

i could tell that it was going to be a slow day… i had to watch the front for awhile and missed out on a highlight client, which really bummed me out because i am in desperate need of money right now. i decided to clean and rearrange the product shelves, that took up a few hours of my day. i did manage to score a client late in the afternoon, and also another mens haircut. i dreamed a lot on this day… dreaming helps me pass the time and also makes my real life seem like its worth it. i have decided to make a product… i need a product to sell and make money, while at the same time still being a "stylist". i believe that maxi skirts are the answer. it's funny because london brought this up too… i was researching the different types online and he said that he was thinking to start making them himself.  I'm really excited about this… and maybe it will actually work. I'm not really sure how….

tupper called me on my way home from work. funny because i was almost home and thinking…"who is calling?" i always do because really, people hardly call me. we had a good conversation.  i really like catching up with him. our conversations are always quite comical and all over the place, but it always turns around to what he is doing with his life and it seems to…upset him. i want him to be doing something… i think that living on that island is something, but the longer i am away from it… the more i realize that it is sucking you in and taking away from what you could achieve. not that it is a bad place… i don't know. i just know that all day long i was longing to be there. i talked to mom for a little while on the porch and talked to her about how excited i was for the video shoot… I'm gonna try and live on that high for as long as possible… it was hard to make it to seven, my patience wore out and it was time to just get out of there. i was so exhausted that i hardly undressed before crawling into bed and falling asleep for the whole night. i had no desire to eat… or wash my face. i was just over thinking and doing. i think eight o'clock was a good time….for rest. i woke up a lot throughout the night because all of the lights were on and my dreams were kinda stressful and strange. 

eighty.eight.

i was exhausted and of course fell asleep the night before before getting all of my writing done. its hard for me to lay to in bed and write because i fall asleep so quickly. it was nice to just lay and reminisce about the day before… it was like my favorite day so far. 

my bike ride took a lot out of me… i had to bike with all my bags/tools and it just seemed like i was going against the wind. i worked up a sweat and was sure that i was going to be just one time… which is why i rushed and tried to petal so fast. i was surprised upon arriving at work with bethany and jordan were already there, it was twenty til on a saturday… but it's okay. i got myself situated and cooled off on the deck and proceeded on to my first client. she was a lovely girl from orange county and had requested me based on the website portfolio. i enjoyed my time with her and i think she was really pleased with the result. the day got a little busy and niya came to see me. we went on our usual neighborhood walk… it was lovely to see her and get out of the building. it was nice to see all the beauiful flowers and bright colors of mid day. we ate mexican strawberry popsicles and took shots of vodka hanging out in the grass… and talked about boys. i walked back into work to a haircut client… it was so loud and hectic that i just stayed in my corner and minded my own business. the haircut was good.. she had really long hair and her kids were also getting their haircut by the other girls. the rest of the day was drug out… i spent time just eating my salad on the porch and sitting in the sun. at the last minute a color walked it. she is a regular client of mine, kinda strange woman… i would describe her as genuinely fake, but all the same i like her as a client. i was able to finish her quickly so i could leave… by about seven i am so ready to leave this hair salon. i chatted with ali on my bike ride home… and then met audrey precious across the street to get my bag. it was really cool to meet her in person… i have been a fan of her work for a while and was so stoked to get my bag.  the blood splatter inside is so exciting … and the spikes on the front will offer me protection. i walked to ali's and we headed out to run some errands, including finding invitations at rite aid. our dinner was lovely, as usual… we go to the nicest restaurants and order lots of variety of wonderful food. all of it was good… i enjoyed my glass of wine.  we walked home… it was getting late and my phone rang…"who could this be" i thought… will! i got really good news… people adored me on set of the video from yesterday. i was really estatic that garrett kline raved about me and made it a point to tell the crew that he was impressed will all of my work… my ideas and how i was able to do everyone so well, especially for the second part of the day. he would love to pay me out of his budget to work with him on the remainder of his shoots. i got so excited… this is really good news. especially since i pretty much adore him as well…. i just really can't believe that this is real life sometimes. it was nice to share the information with ali so we could get really… stoked. we went back to her place and stared at the moon over the bay… which was hanging low, a lovely golden color. we looked up some of the actors on the internet… talked about tattoos and my plan to make amazing maxi skirts. it really is true… i am doing exactly what i wanted to do here…. i am on a mission.