ninety.one.

i skipped yoga this morning and stayed in bed. it felt terrible… i needed something. some intimacy, but i don't get that… i crave it all day.  like a fix that i can't tackle. getting errands done, things that let me think… laundry, eating. this day is quiet and cloudy out… but now it's time to run and make this day a much better one. it is just for me. this quiet time that i will rest in… saving it for the days when everything in the world is on my plate.

making a quick lunch and watching the dreariness outside… my eggs and spinach mix was really good. happy for my creation, maybe one day (again) i'll have some one to share it with. maybe thats what i miss… someone. but i have learned to accept this quiet time. this time to think and be alone. i've learned to like it more & more with time. i just need to stop focusing and "wishing" for this "someone". because actually he is not here…at all.

i went for a run to ali's and we hung out with syd and ate granola for awhile. the dog beach is near by… the sun has decided to make an appearance and that makes the clouds look really amazing. it was so beautiful and interesting… i just wanted to run forever. but instead i had to look down… it was fun running circles around sydney. not many people there. ali & i run really well together, for how much we didn't used to do this in our youth. we both did play sports though… i think that aids in our ability to get along well and work together. i need to be more active and get outside, stretch and be a part of this world. we went to ulta …quickly… to spend a ridiculous amount money. this is where i just happen to find matte top coat!!! it was right at eye level… funny how the mind finds what it wants. this really made my day. and then to whole foods for groceries. i do love whole foods, just the atmosphere… and the boys are cute. we snacked on chocolate and spent money together, that is what we do. 

she cooked a lovely meal for ian and i and then we painted. it was good to just sit down and enjoy the peacefulness of simply moving paint around. i had an image that i've wanted to recreate… the sunset over kansas. the one that just keep going, we were driving towards it, one of the most beautiful sights i've seen.  that time will inspire me for a lifetime. it will also…. haunt me.

i felt good about the painting. we practiced using mediums and mixing them with paint. sometimes you just can't plan on anything happening. my painting style shows this. but i could also do a few works of art that take time… that i work on for awhile. for that i almost just need a studio space.