take my time waking up and I spent some of the morning writing. Trying to stay on track. The music is good and I like alot of songs.. I have discovered the band alpine and the soundtrack is wonderful on spotify. I send a few songs to my usual suspects Jaclyn, shell and beck. Niya text me that we are going shopping later, so I get up and get ready. I try and drink enough water and eat.. I dress in the orange flowered pants that niya gave me, and my string insight tank.. I wore nikes while shopping. She picked me up and off we go.. It was funny I met her on the corner and she yelled "hey girl". Traffic wasn't too bad on the way there. We listened to our usual country music and talked about boys and life. Our shopping experience was relaxed, we went through an unusual pattern with our shopping... Picked out a polka dot dress and a few casual tanks. We drank coffee and walked around dreaming about clothes and where we could wear them to.. Oh the events that I dream of.
I have decided that I do not live in the present, but indeed I live in an alter reality that i have created in my mind. I don't see the point in living in present day because that moment ends before you can give it another thought.
We get stuff in traffic on our way back... Trying to drink a lot of water...an hour later we have to run into the store to pee. Wine down Wednesday begins and I get a few text from sarah and Ali. We price and unpack inventory.. Taking time to hang everything up. Sarah brings us a salad and we share while drinking. A beautiful girl comes in to shop for an engagement party dress. We help her find a few things... She has a beautiful figure and the maxi dresses fit her well. Come to find out she is a waitress at Mai Thai that restaurant we were planning on visiting later. She laughed about it and told us that we can get a round of drinks on her. We hang out and collect a few more girls for the night adventure. The crowd grows... But no more sales for the evening. It has been quiet the last few days.
We all piled in cars and headed downtown, niya went to get Ali and I rode with Tamara and sarah. The patio at Mai Thai is nice and we are just in time for music. We sit in a circle and order drinks and snacks. I am already drunk and remember drinking fast to feel more. The chicken and pizza were a good choice of snack. I sit by niya and we talk about the boy at the bar, she had forgotten about this one.. Funny how just seeing each other brings it all back together. I see them texting .. And I begin to ramble on with my drunk absurdity. I know I talk about harry... Whenever she brings him up, I get a glow and can't stop smiling. Some times I squeal like a kid which is over reacting, but I like being dramatic.
It's much more interesting. I remember niya telling me again how gabriel was so attracted to me... I remember talking about my scars (again) and how they would make a cool art project. But she has a point.. She told me that he will not be it for me... Harry makes me too happy. But the thing is, harry is not for me. I am beginning to come to terms with this now. I take a risk and text gabriel.. Something silly like he is on my mind. I want to put it out there, boys like things like that right? The shy type... I'm a girl of another breed. I know this... I'll let down my guard for him, tonight anyway. He text me back, I dont remember the time line, I just know that I was so excited. It was time to leave before we got sloppy, plus the music was over. Tamara dropped sarah and I off at my place, we laughed and I'm sure were too loud for our entrance. We danced around in my room for hours... It started with Harry's new songs. They always get me going.. I put on my fur and vintage ray bans and danced like a crazy lady. Sarah danced and wished she had her camera.. As we laughed and she pretended to take pictures. "I can see this!! That angle is great!!" It was entertaining and maybe one day I will dance around for her camera. Some film perhaps.. It would be a fun shoot.
I figured out that I am indeed ridiculous when I drink. The poison gets to me.. And I become some many different characters. Where do they come from? I was the life of our two person party. I like that she gets me.. I like that she is amazed with my movement, and she is not shy to chime in. She sees that thrill in the joy of happiness. I suppose enough love counts for it all. She wants me to have 'this' love that I so passionately parade around. Is it all pretend? Yes, I believe so.. But as a character in my made up world.. I ask and even require others to dance on my level.
I continue to dance and share with her bands... The x ambassadors I can't contain my excitement. She comments.. "This is post apocalyptic music..." Why do I appearing in this image... The end of the world trend. I wouldn't mind if it did end... I've done my living. I have been here for a long time, it only makes sense that I have been traveling through decades.. Even generations of souls. I could die tonight and be content. But I suppose my work is not done yet, I keep coming back for more. This parallel of earth leaves me asking many questions of why this is this... Or that. But indeed it doesn't matter... Cat power takes us down a notch and we both lay on the floor and stare at the popcorn ceiling. In the hotel room of many years... The souls and stories these walls have seen. I hope this moment becomes something down the line. You won't know the power of your past actions until many days down the road. Each one is insignificant until it becomes 'the' movement that I wish to see.
Shall I compare myself to the great gatsby? Is this life that vain? I am.. And will be a timeless figure of hope and happiness. But my life will embody the pure depression and stress of the sorrow we each feel. That is the balance. In order to feel such joy... We must know the darkest shadow that we all stand in.
I told sarah that as a child I had a crush on scar from the "lion king". She had a funny look on her face and said, I've never heard anyone say that before, you are so different, and I suppose you like bad guys... I liked scar so much, he was so skinny and sly... Reminds me of a certain some one that I'm about to play with. I hope he dances the tango.
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