Why am I feeling so distracted and disoriented when it comes to my writing. Consistency is what I am lacking. But this is how I survive. So I must adapt. I decide to just lay in bed and sleep for the morning, I didn't have to be at work until noon. The first sight I get.. Blood everywhere, all on one of my favorites sets... The corset I haven't had a chance to wear yet.
Niya called to tell me about her car situation and we talk awhile. She is really having a hard time and she has no one but herself.
I got ready quickly and biked to the store. I spent time opening up and changing.. Taking my time to settle in. I decided to dress up and wear heels and the Aztec red maxi that we bought for the store. My hair is tired up in a bun, and I feel... Pretty. Niya greets me and we talk, she is working next door today.. I feel the need to move and organize today and her back room has been making me crazy. It is all just thrown in there, unorganized and trashed. It comes down to not enough caring.. Too busy to take the time to clean. I start in one corner and before the day ended... Everything was clean and orderly. There has to be a sense of togetherness if anything is going to be accomplished. I want to be able to store things and even escape back there. It took several hours and throwing away, sweeping and moving things around... In a dress and heels. I do my best cleaning in this attire.
Niya surprised me with a coffee drink in a tiny whit cup. She started to describe it and before she should finish I already remembered. The Turkish style way of serving coffee.. Espresso with a spoon full of ice cream. I took a sip and started to cry... It tastes just as good as I remembered. The mornings when Artem would make me this to wake me up, we would sit on the couch and get high and he would smoke parliaments and tell me stories. I could see his demeanor... He smile all at once. It brought a wash of feelings and the tears came up for just a moment. Niya hugged me... Crying is the new trend.
It was a good day, the time carried on at a good speed and I felt accomplished. We didn't sell much inventory, but the quiet allowed me to work.. Now we are more prepared to get things moving.
I tried writing for the last hour but I could not concentrate. The afternoon was still bright for the ride home. I am still stuck on repeat with the x ambassadors that I can't seem to move on because no one else sounds like them... Their music gives me a certain feeling. I want to just keep dancing and being really stoked. The music gets me high and I can see listening to it for the next few weeks... Summer 2013. I read a journal entry late night in summer 2011 and I felt the need to share with niya. It was brilliant of me really... At only 23 to come up within myself those ideas. She laughed and I could tell she wants to read more.. I'm considering letting her read the whole thing, but I am so protective over the books... Maybe not right now. I'm not ready to give them up yet. The advice from a younger me is too good.
I get home and snack , think about sushi with ian and daniel, but I'm glad I declined because Ali wanted to see the great gatsby. I like our last minute life and we hurry to make it on time. We actually moved at a good pace.. Waited in line, got popcorn.. And walked into the movie literally as soon as it started. Our timing was perfect. We both couldn't contain our laughter.. As if we ever can. It was too ridiculous. The movie kept my attention well. I enjoyed all the imagination and the costumes.. The story. Seeing Leonardo Di Caprio on the big screen... He has aged well. I was overall impressed with most of it, the music though.. They could've taken that movie to an entirely different level.. But the music was right. It wasn't timeless enough.. I'm just thankful that the xx was involved in the project. The entire movie made me think of harry and how symbolic all of it is... He isn't going to ever want me, I'm too over the top for him, instead an artist longs for what they used to have.. Hence why they feel the need to Always recreate it...
We got lost on our way home which was so funny because it was completely confusing.. California feels this way to me a lot... Just a bunch of highways and choices that lead you in circles.
I think that I'm going to write or get something accomplished.. But I can't stop thinking. I'm so stuck in my head with ideas and excitement that I can't record or create the present tense. I have it exactly right, I just can't talk about it.
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