i was too comfortable to want to get up this morning… this air mattress holds me in its grasp. the morning is cloudy and cool again… another early spring day. i am supposed to go to class with dori, she woke up late and i didn't hear from her for awhile. i got ready, didn't feel like dressing up…it felt like a lazy day. i was glad to mix up the schedule though, and skip a few hours of work. the class was informative, but i don't really have much desire for doing the brazilian blowouts.. even though the money sounds nice. i eat too many sweets and drink an abundance of coffee… my stomach was upset about it all day. i wasn't at all the impressed and slightly bored. dori takes me home and i bike to work. the salon is very quiet but there is a lot of negative energy around. lucky for me i get a high light appointment. her name is lisa and she is a very pretty girl. i have just the color for her and she ended up loving it. i talked about the band… gave her the music. i just don't know what my deal is.. does this new "vision" even count? i think so, it motivates me now. hair just doesn't do it for me anymore.. i think a tour/band manager sounds much better. it goes with my passion for change & music. I'm just very down today, upset and over california. I'm tired and i want to go back home.. and just prepare for summer. something simple… but it would be too boring now. i have spoiled myself with exploration, and it took so much to get me here, i might as well give it a chance.
I'm very experienced and people become "obsessed" as do i…
but it takes so much more now to intrigue me.
actually its near impossible.
I'm so ready to leave work… the bike ride home is calm and slow. i don't rush, it is still light out, but it is very windy. once home my roommates are so happy to see me. oliver calls me a lady bug, because he says i always provoke a smile.. but i feel so sad and drained.
the article i read today brought me back into my state of … confused sense of future.
why do i feel such a responsibility?
i know that harry will never be able to love me. he said i was the devil. he has a point. it will do no good for either of us to be involved together. i guess now i will be thousands of miles away to mourn. i think this is the best way.
the black and white bone earrings bring me a second of joy, i like jagged unevenness of what i am portraying. the uneasy sight of bone… i like the white one the most today.
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