the days are getting to be a drag, which means it's time to mix it up again.
i thought that i was going to be on time for work… then i dropped a glass bottle on a marble floor and that was the end of that. the shattering glass sound was piercing and i didn't know that glass could break into that many tiny pieces. there goes being on time..
it took a while to clean up, i kept sweeping and wiping everything down with a wet cloth but the selection of tiny shards of glass i could still see. of course i wasn't wearing any shoes so I'm sure a piece or two is hanging out in my foot. i tried my best to make it seem like the situation never happened, but that seems unrealistic. it is right at the front door too.. and no one in the house really wears shoes.
i can't seem to form any outfits for the day, i decided to wear all black. maybe I'm just mourning the fact that i miss my friends… i don't know. reminds me of hair school… wearing no color. i think harry is also in an all black phase for the summer. i feel a connection with him again today.
my bike ride was difficult, it is really windy. i made it to work right at ten. i spent some time just chatting with london, but its not the same with him right now. i feel a block or sorts, like he has given up with me? or have i given up with him… I'm not sure. i can't form sentences right now about what i am trying to accomplish because i have lost sight of what i am doing.
i sit on the porch with my feet in the sun and try and write about the day before. i think that days are just so boring that i don't have the urge the recap. just the good details that i wish to remember, but then that defeats the purpose… it is not reality.
i manage to get distracted and write a poem about solitude. i really like it … i used the shattering glass as inspiration for the movement of the words.
i get a surprise appointment, a mother and daughter who both have very thick curly hair. they both need make overs and i was able to have the mother, alania. she is a beautiful Jamaican woman who just moved here from florida. her hair is a disaster and i truly have my work cut out for me, but i have an idea. what i wanted it to look like and what it actually turned out like… were not that same. but the achievable goal was to make her hair look natural and healthily first… then i can go in and add the accents that i really wanted it to have. she loved her hair and i think even liked the fact that it was significantly shorter.
the salon was so slow… it is memorial day monday and I'm pretty sure that everyone was outside enjoying time with their families. meanwhile… we are trapped in this building. i don't see this lasting much longer so i am trying to enjoy the time that i have. we close early and my ride home is even more difficult… with the wind. i call mom, she doesn't answer and i fall quickly to sleep. i just wanted to take a nice nap…. as i needed my brain to slow down. i haven't been remembering my dreams at all the past few weeks… the first one goes like this:
the loft is falling apart. london and i are trying to patch back together the walls that are falling down. i tried to run upstairs and get my things but i am too scared to go alone because I'm worried that i will become possesd with ghosts that will haunt me. harry is there somewhere i can't seem to get a hold of him…but he is looking for me. i tried calling, no answer… letters? too slow… then i look out a window and he is on a bus dressed in all black leaving. i have missed the bus… i have missed something. the dream was really stressful and i hope that it was just all of my inward fears working themselves out… but i think that i was somewhere i have dreamed before…. i remember that michelle and i were screaming at the top at our lungs at each other … but its not like we were mad, its like it took that much emotion to convey what we were feeling about our conversation. . wish i could recall what were were yelling.
i woke up and it was too late to call mom back, that gave me great anxiety and i had missed text. shell left me with "miss u". i wonder what sparked her thought of me… i needed to hear that.
everyone is too busy for me now and i am so far away that it's like i don't exist. this is exactly what i thought i wanted … right?
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