i went to sleep thinking that i was going to wake up to give myself more time in morning… but as usual i just laid there and enjoyed the silence. i had a few minutes to write about the day before… then i got up and quickly prepared myself for class. its been a long while since i've looked forward to a yoga class like this. i would say since anne's class, i haven't felt so strongly to go to the same class on a regular basis.
the ride there was nice, the day is lovely and bright… a light breeze makes pedaling difficult. i am the only student again, which honestly is how i prefer this class. darren is more comfortable with me this time… it's our third class together and he must see my determination and strength. i like that i can keep up his movement. he asks me what i need… i need a gentle yet challenging stretch, as i have been wild and reckless the past few days. the flow is nice and does push me to my limits… just enough though that i can honestly say that i have met a match that can teach me. the detox of sweat running down all of my body and the electric guitar soundtrack once again puts me in a state of euphoria and you could say that this is my "sex".
his voice reminds me of elwang, which is a comforting stable sound that i know and trust. he guides me and helps me get into the poses. i am thankful that he helped release my shoulders by pressing them toward the floor during the appropriate poses. the class went by too fast and i felt like i wasn't done enough… but ninety minutes in a heated class is more than enough. i thanked him and we chatted about my weekend in LA. he recommended that if i like whiskey bars, i should check out 7 grand… it has a big stag on the wall right when you walk in. i take his word for it that this will be good… i'll check it out one day.
i wonder what he really thinks about me? he has made it very clear that he has a girlfriend… and i wear a really thin silver sliver on my ring finger.. just to say that i am indeed "taken". but this yoga practice is such a high power of release and spiritual recognition that you can feel the sexual tension bouncing around the room. that is what i love about yoga… it puts you in a place that we as humans can exceed far beyond that animalistic make.up of our desires… if met with diligence and determination.
i stoop in and see cameron at my bicycle and tell him how much i have enjoyed my bike. he fills the front tire with air and we chat a little about how things are going. his store seems to be going well and he is just passing the one year mark. he talks about how he is surfing on a team and working several jobs.. "i think that it is good for you". i guess that means i should eventually get job number five and start to teach yoga… in due time.
i go home an cook myself a good lunch, after of course getting upset that some of my food has gone bad. i can't seem to eat things fast enough, but i don't have time to shop anymore than i already do. i will skip food shopping this week…. i don't have the money. i talk to mom on the phone while i have my lunch which is nice. i managed to be more upbeat and positive this time… as in "not crying" on the phone.
overall things are picking up. i am ready to see niya but she is caught up at the doctor's office… and then her phone died. i spent some time catching up and and writing … i hear the doorbell. "who could that be". its niya… she looks stressed and since she couldn't call.. she was glad that she remembered the gate number to get in. that worked out well.
we headed to LA to shop for the store, times are tight this month and there is barely any money in the budget for clothes,but we'll make it work. we hit a lot of traffic and have time to talk. she really does need me in her life right now… and honestly i believe that i need her just as much. we were listening to country music and i sang the entire kenny chesney song about being young and wanting to be older… as we rounded the freeway you could see the sky scrapers of LA.. i never thought i'd sing that song while seeing this view. we laughed about that…
it was a quick trip, we were done in thirty minutes. i saw a few items that i really wanted, but i refrained, as i don't have any money or the ability to get any of these times. they are just dreams.
we head back to long beach, then to 2nd street so she can get a new phone. i get some juice and decide to find gabriel on instagram. i can't help but be curious about his kid. seeing his online portfolio made me excited about how talented he is … but the thing that happened between niya and him is going to slow the entire process down… just a bit. i decided to let him know that he is on my mind and clicked follow and liked a few of his recent photos, just a few…not to seem over zealous. a few minutes later he followed me back.. wonder what he thought of my portfolio? i know that i enjoy it.
i wasn't feeling too well. things have been weird in my stomach and i didn't want to be sweaty or force things to even touch my skin today.. i went home, called ali and then fell asleep. i woke up around one am and took a shower… and had anxiety. i was worried about my skin and my hair… stress does things to your body sometimes. but i am going to keep strong and know that the lord will bless me if i just keep going and stay humble. he likes humble… because it really has nothing to do with me.
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