the sound of going through a car wash is what i awoke to… i was waiting for the window to break in from the pressure of water. i listened to it for awhile. spending time just tossing around. i waited until the last minute to get up… and i didn't write about the day before. it just wasn't the right time. i was excited once again for the bike ride, even though it was chilly and cloudy out. since i have to ride my bike, its nice that it is over cast in the morning, makes so that i don't sweat. (all of my entries are a mess and i haven't completed the following days in order, just when you think you have a good pattern going of order… something changes)
it was so quiet at the salon. i spent porch time and tried to write about my days but i was distracted and came in to… just wait. it was good to see niya, she looked beautiful and we sat and ate a chocolate muffin. we sat around and talked about what we were going to wear for the gallery show. i had an extension appointment in the evening and was glad to spend time with her, i just wanted to start about an hour earlier, then i would've taken my time slower… i sewed the top row in too tight i think. it was nice to spend some time with karen, hanging out and talking about life and boys (men)… and i may have said too much about ali and ian, but it is something that has been bothering me, i needed to talk about it.
i hurried home to get ready quickly, my outfit was by far one of my favorites. i love that i can buy things years and years ago and they decide to fit so perfectly now. in LA of all places.. i am wearing clothes from all over the country. my hair began to behave perfectly… after just alitle work earlier in the day. i was scrambling around… my tan jacket with the angled shoulders… the urban outfitters "sex kitten" shirt that i choose to wear all across the country… bought it at our insane shopping spree in DC. (i regret this shopping trip…but it was so much fun) my wide leg dark trouser jeans from the consignment store in NYC while shopping with kat… my sneaker heals and stella & dot pegaus necklace. i absolutely love this piece of jewelry. it was a cool get up.. i would say LA worthy. i was ready and laid down on the bed to wait for niya. she was taking forever and i know that we were going to be really late.
she showed up with a friend, vanessa… from peru. its funny really because she worked at cold stone right by my house a summer ago on the outer banks. its a funny thing about the outer banks… you either know about it, or you don't. just so random that of all the people niya could be friends with… she knows another girl from the obx. so wild. bad news… jordan told niya that he liked her as just a friend, which is really upsetting because she likes this kid so much. she had been crying… as he told her just a few hours ago. I'm surprised really that she pulled herself together so well. she was so pitiful, but her shoes were amazing. on our way there i was trying to find the right things to say to her… all the while, gabriel is texting me that he is headed to long beach. "funny, i'm headed to LA". he is going to be there late working just down the street with his friend mark. i play words with him… telling him that I'm not in the mood to sleep for the night. we got lost a little bit, thanks to the iPhone navigation system… and we were really late. i walked in and you could tell that it was the end of the party.. beautiful girls that don't smile were standing around. i saw one beautiful girl.. and asked her if she was one of the artist.. she was and we chatted for awhile. the artwork was good, i was inspired by a few of the pieces. we took some time looking around… but niya and vanessa didn't really take the time to look at the photos.
we found a small garden bar area out back and had a drink… the bartender told us that we had just missed the whole thing. a lot of celebrities were there… actors from how i met you mother… and so forth. my stomach dropped and i was upset. i was upset that we missed a moment to be invited to this type of event… and we were late over a silly boy. oh well. i keep my feelings to myself and we sit and talk for some time under vines of pink flowers.
i texted gabriel to see where that first bar we went to… weeks ago was. "coco something". we found it… coco laurent on 7th and Grand. walking up i began to recognize everything… and we saw vincent as soon as we walked in. he is the owner and made a scene with us last time. i wanted to get to know him, he seems like a genuine guy. we sat at the far end of the bar… in hopes that chad would be working. turns out he has friday off. we chose our drinks, all of which are amazing. just one drink… we talk about boys and vincent comes over the chat with us… tell us about a wine tasting in a few weeks. i was starting to get a buzz and getting antsy about getting back to long beach… something about knowing that he was there.
our ride back was quick, i texted him the whole way home.
once i got out of the car… i felt relief. i think i might actually get to see this guy.
i spent some time waiting and wondering… catching up on writing and wondering if i should just cancel. it was too late to have a boy over, i was nervous that we would be up to no good.
but i followed through… he made it so easy.
i made some tea with cinnamon and honey in my charleston, south carolina cup and went out to meet him on third place.
i was a bit nervous and laughed while running up to his little car, spilling hot tea the whole time. i got in and looked at him.. he seemed different than i remember.
it was so sexy, he drives a shitty stick shift car.
we found a place to park downtown, I'm sure there was one closer to me, but it is the ocean front and parking is so ridiculous.
we laughed about all of it, how i have no idea about parking. he asked to have a sip of tea.. "of course". "what is that?" he asks… haha… its not tea at all. i laugh in my normal whimsical giggle. i get my cup of tea and begin to walk towards the ocean. i debate taking him for a walking adventure…but decide to just go back to the house. i felt like holding his hand, but its not appropriate right now.
he says that my place reminds him of his old house in san diego. i wish i could have a picture of the look on his face when i opened the door to my place. everyone has the same shocked reaction. i mean… the view is amazing. i made him some tea and was able to say a comment to him… about how all people have some good within them…"not everyone does". and he looked up at me with those eyes… one eyebrow arched. i love that look.
we sit on the porch and casually talk for hours. so much talking that I'm not sure if i should just relax… and be quiet. we only had a very few quiet moments. he says he likes to talk a lot, fill the silent void because most of the time he is stuck in his head… working on art on the computer.
i shared so much with him. i don't know why i felt the urge to have such intimate conversation with him… but i know that it was better than intimacy. i made us more tea and grabbed a blanket. it was around four am and kinda cold outside. i decided to stay up with him all night. its crazy how fast time goes with him… so fast. he is going to be one of those people, the kind that you want to always be with…but time with them always ends too soon.
i even managed to say that to him.
i also had my southern mannerisms come out… which he laughed so hard at "bless their hearts…" i was talking about giraffes. really. and i told him about how i used to make movies with barbies as stunt doubles. i went all out for the movies… he suggested i put them on you tube. you know, it would be absolutely hilarious to see all of them. maybe one day he will be able to watch them with me and the sisters. it would hurt how much we would all laugh.
the sun began to come up and we joked that the birds were too loud… and the people next door were drunk and staying up really late with us. he liked how i made him feel normal. i like how much we have in common. i liked just talking to him… then the sun did come up. it was over cast and gray… it was nice to not be blinded by the sun first thing. we had to end our time, i showed him quickly my room to show him out… he looked like a little boy entering my fort built of pillows and blankets. did you used to build those? i wonder… i like him. the goodbye was awkward, i hugged him weird… and spent a moment too long looking at this face, into his eyes. its so crazy to think that i have already kissed him before. i don't remember… but he is oh so familiar.
i laid down to rest for about an hour. twenty minutes later he sent me a smile.
i wish he was still here.
Those moments that are too good to miss. You shouldn't pass them up just because some of the details don't quite match up with your imagination of how it should be...
The change in lightening changes the mood. I am still thinking about our night, our all night time to share thoughts. Why did I say all those things? It was very humorous. I keep thinking about his smile. Why must our brains capture a memory and play it so many times ... To make me want more. The time traveled too fast. Over already? Our time is up.
He complimented me on a few things. He seems.. Genuine and I want to just be beside him, leaning against his arm... Holding his hand in an airport. I want to run late with him.. Or be on time. I want to smile and be amazed with his brilliance. I want to share with people this sense of hope.. And cover ourselves with paint. I want to help him achieve his vision, his works of art that involve a muse.. A cat like source of feminine power to prowl through his photographs.
Why.. I am so pleased he just wanted to sit by me. I'm glad he didn't try anything.. The night was too dark, too late, too innocent too precious to mess it up with intimacy. It was all too childlike and wonderful...
I could go on for days, putting the pieces back again where words fell out into each others thoughts.. But I prayed to god for a boyfriend, a person to push me harder.. If he is it, well I'll take my earthly time to get to know him. I can already see the art work we will create.
It takes discipline to tell your body not to sleep.. Makes a blur of time that changes the shape of the day. Just a quick nap before I have to be in public. He text me a smile when he got home... I wish he was cuddled up beside me for my cat nap.
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