he did get it…
he gets more than i know.
we stayed up and text late into the night. made me feel like a middle school kid again, staying up all night on the instant chat, just talking about nonsense. getting to know each other. he filled me in on some art projects that he is working on.. then wanted to me check out his pinterest boards, which are … amazing. he is dark freak. creature of the night that boy… and he thinks I'm cool?
really?
this is wild. he gives me chills… up my spine. i lay tangled in my many blankets and pillows.. the silence of the night, just the vibration of my phone and the anticipation of what he will say next.
whoa. if this is us just using words, what will life be like in person with him?
i am interested to find out. i don't think i'll hold back much from him. he is far ahead of the others. he knows more about fashion than i do… and he is a creative genius. he is good with his.. words… hands… and artwork. i can see us making the most beautiful…lovely artwork together.
"fucking inspired and fucking horny" as he would say.
ya, i'd say so.
i fell asleep to his words around four am… the sun was going to be coming up and i needed to be asleep for that. my body is tired and sore from yesterdays detox and I'm enjoying just laying in bed, in the silence and dark… pile of blankets. i recap the night and see that he did in fact answer me back, i stopped the conversation. silly sleep… but he text me just a little more and i wonder if he slept at all last night. i text ali first thing… about my relief that my pay check was enough to cover rent and pay bills. she is not suporised that he is … cool.
still might be too much for me… i might bore him
so here i am… just laying in bed, taking up all the time i can in here. wasting away.
but I'm getting things done on the internet. lots of catching up… inspiration.
the day continues and i make myself brunch, egg and avocado… then i lay on the porch for just a few minutes. niya text me and says she'll be here to get me in twenty minutes. I'm not even close to ready.. so my sunshine time is cut short.
i get ready quickly and she meets me at the door… i am so happy to see her, it has been a few days and i begin to realize what an important role she plays in my life.
we head to la in the heat of the day with traffic and country music. it is so much fun wandering around the fashion district. she now refers to me as her "consultant" and we discuss what colors, patterns and cuts will best suit the clientele base. we over spend.. of course due to me. i end up spending my last two days worth of money on clothes… a tye-die cardigan and a red aztec maxi. we spend time laughing and carrying on with the vendors. this has really been one of the most fun days i've had in awhile. of course i have to bring up gabriel to her… we talk about him too much, but she reassures me that it is going to be a good thing. we have too much in common and even if it just ends up that we work together, then that is good enough.
we head to the store and i spend time unpacking and hanging things on hangers. i take a break to drink a glass of wine and greet sarah… as she walked here from work. she looks just lovely and i compliment her. i know she is having a tough day and I'm glad that we can entertain her.
niya's friend catalina comes in to shop… and ends up hanging out with us all night. before we know it… without dinner we are getting drunk and are taking pictures of the inventory. i need to practice my 'modeling' skills… i love being in front of a camera and playing dress up. niya said earlier in the day.. as we sat in traffic for an hour on our way back to long beach, tells me about myself. "I've told you this before.. but there is a mystery about you. its as if you know some secret that we don't… and everyone wants to know… what exactly it is…".
I've heard this before. i think this is what makes me a "muse">
what is it that i know?
god. i think that is the difference. i know a god that created us. that rules over us… i know him so personally that i can't even hide it. something in my expression… it's all in the eyes.
the evening is so much fun and i decide to share with everyone harry's new songs… the blues.
they are instantly entranced and before we know it… hours have passed, we are all dancing around the store and we have heard all of their songs.
the variety is amazing and i can tell that they are impressed. catalina even said… its like i just want to tell everyone about them… but i don't think they would even understand.
he does something to me… i make everyone what to listen… i make everyone curious with what is going on inside of my head. i want them to hear and i talk about how i will get them a show by the end of the year in long beach. i am determined.
gabriel crosses my mind and i decide to ask him about his day…
he is nervous… about some results and i completely understand… we try and make plans, but i am yet to believe them.. i don't think we will be seeing each other for awhile. but tonight i crave his attention.. and of course he is off in his own land. that is how he will keep me intrigued. is to be busy.
sarah and i decide to walk home alone .. together. she is just a special soul in my life. we bounce off of each other… as we do often when we walk. i have to admit that i am amazed by her.. she is such a soul that i am beginning to love. between her and niya… its like california brought them to me. if i was just supposed to share my struggle with them…if i came here to be with them, then that makes it all okay. i walk really fast and sarah comments on how fast i move. i like to get places, i don't have time to be slow. she tells me how there is some energy about me that just attracts people. as if i am something of a odd breed…twice in one day? gabriel said it about me last night too… three times. I'm sure my roommates would agree as well. i wonder if it is true.
its not up to me though. there are so many factors that contribute to what i am and i what i will become. i can't take really any of the credit… i just have to trust that i am this way… for a reason.
i long for something and try and fill the void, but i have not inspiration at the time. so i lay in bed and get addicted to pinterest.
i know that time will answer most of my questions…
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