and on the thirteenth day…

I was gripped with a bit of fear

Worried the one thing that I loved

Back when I was just a kid

Might now never be enough

That the body I was in

Might belong to someone else

Someone kinder

Someone surer

Someone innocent

Young and beautiful

Someone purer

I was scratching at my skin

Hoping changes would begin

But what laid beneath was blood

Well of course

What the hell was I thinking of

Won't you take me down to the creek

Wash away our sins of sleep

I feel so tired

As though I might

Not wake at all on the other side

That's no way to go

Oh my dear one

Bathe me in your glow

Cut out my lonely heart

And bury it in the snow

Nothing really means nothing

Is the saddest thing I know

So deliver me from sin

And give me rock and roll

Give me rock and roll

And in the morning there'll be hope

And in the morning there'll be light

And if I sleep and dream up a system

A solution

To fend off perils of the night

Come on in, I'll be born again

Born again as someone else

Someone kinder

Someone surer

Someone beautiful

Someone purer

And when I am you'll know

The devil knows my name

Will salvation come

And wash away my pain?

For I was once a kid

With a pure and innocent soul

So deliver me from sin

And give me rock and roll

Give me rock and roll

And a pure and innocent soul

  mystery jets-someone purer

this song says more about how i feel about … my life.

i wake up early and i am mostly on time for work. i feel like the bike ride is quick, the sun is out and it's much warmer today. a slow day, cold and windy.. i contemplate moving, check out my situation. i am sure that i will wait and be patient. this is how i have won… but i was literally going stir crazy and had too much caffeine and sugar. i go on sugar binges sometimes.. cakes, chocolate. i should give something up. sometimes liberating yourself from everything is not enough, you have to give up something more. i just feel out of it. the one client i had is late and kinda flighty. she was an hour late and i had to be fine with it. her color turned out nice.. i just didn't connect with her that well. I'm tired. i had such a headache and sweats today. i think i am still sick. i must rest. everything hurts really, but you have to push through. i smiled a few times, but deep down i am homesick. i am completely love sick. i quickly bike home in the wind and cold. my lips are dry.. i immedielty begin to paint, drawing quickly with a pencil onto scrap cardboard. repetitive lines and comic book like patterns. for hours, until it turns to paint. this is how i process… eating only a snack like dinner.. a snack later. I'm so hungry today. i want to paint all night, i talk to michelle for a bit on the phone… so excited about going home. it seems like only yesterday we were leaving town… eleven weeks ago.

i got excited today about starting a musical revolution. alex had the same thought. we are on the same page as usual. i want everyone to know the good music, the talent. i need everyone to change their views and understand what we can do to change a nation. with music. that is the hat i will wear. i think it's the hat he gave me to try on just a few weeks ago. it fit well.