fifteen.

i woke up late again, something about not having to get out of bed or face reality… i love to sleep. i did manage to get out of bed right before noon and worked on a painting for an hour… then ate some fruits and eggs. it was pretty much the end of my food, i'll go shopping later. i wasn't sure what to do with myself, but i needed to get out of the house, the day was chilly but sunny. i decided on a three o'clock yoga class on 4th st. i got there and had the schedule all mixed up, i was an hour early… 4th st is the arts district and they have the coolest vintage shops, i browsed two of the thrift stores. i like being in there, looking around at all the random history. it was comforting and reminded me of home, of browsing around with derek when it was too cold and boring to do anything else. i managed to find a few things.. had i looked around i might of found more. i bought a stationary set made from very raw paper for a dollar and then found an old coffee mug with a horse and carriage. like the one i used to play with at mimi's house. it was the turned of the century carriage, with the beautiful horses and well thought out wagon they pulled… belonged to money. they were standing outside of a three story plantation home in charleston, south carolina. i thought about this purchase for only a second… since it was only 50 cents, i decided why not. i also found a LIFE magazine from decembeer1965,  the issue was discussing the blackout in NYC. i then went off to what i thought was yoga class, but it was not. the teacher (ben) was late and spastic, it's his first class there and he didn't know he had any students. me and another woman (olga) waited patiently thinking that he would finally get it together… he never did. the class was based on chinese medience and healing. he discussed energies and chakras. i am very intrigued by this practice and since i have been practicing yoga for almost four years now… its probably about time to learn more. he was a very unorganized person, i didn't like it really . i made me feel spastic and all over the place… but he had good intentions i believe. you could feel that olga was getting restless and she left, so there we were, me and him. the connection i have with people still freaks me out, i decided to stay and listen to what he had to say. he started off about how his heart was hurting, all of his other chakras were clear and open, except for his heart .he was suffering from a heartache, one where he loved someone but knew that it would never work. the fact that she wouldn't text him back was making him mad. he asked me where i was from… and immediately upon hearing my answer started to discuss charleston south carolina with me… huh. we talked about how beautiful it is, how he could just get some land here and there and buy a motor home. do we all wish these things? soon his time was up and i still needed my yoga fix. i decided to stay for the five o'clock vinyasa flow with chelsea. it was a smart move. she used the same music as anne.. the comfort of hearing a feeling the movements kept me sane for another hour. we flowed until the sunset over the bay. it was a nice class. we opened up our emotional pathways… i met a very hyper blonde asian in this class. her name? neika? i will see her again I'm sure. i liked the parallel of this class. then to bike home and eat a made up dinner of what is left…not too much. i felt exhausted and just over it… and fell asleep at ten. i missed tv with the roommates… and i needed to repaint my nails. i slept restlessly until 3am… then i had to get up and shower. i hadn't really accomplished every task for the day, so here i am at 4am. this time is so quiet, dark and peaceful. its the dark before the light. my heart just isn't in it anymore, i keep asking myself…. now what?