the morning and night ran together. as we never slept and just kept driving through the night …. i was able to rest just a bit while michelle drove. driving in the peace of the middle of the night is wonderful. from 3am until 1oam.. we covered a lot of ground. from st. louis, missori and through west virginia. the sunrise over the mountains what so dark and calm. the dark blue faded to all very vibrant dark grey shades. the entire time i drive my mind is spinning around in so many places. i am very anxious about my decision and as long as i can be in both places.. i think everything will be well. the sight of west virginia was nice, the mountains began to form and … i am my own worst enemy. the obsessiveness begins to come out and i can't stop reliving a moment that i can't change, ever! i need to stop with the excuses. i am giving myself a hard time about not getting out of the truck and taking the snow fox kansas picture. it was one of those moments where i should have just said something… but i am the end of me. the creativity of the photo would've been amazing. so very hard to understand… which would've been the appeal. but now that moment is over and it would be that none of the 30 hour trip back across the country what not much more productive. it is a shame really. i'll stop with that for now…
we stopped frequently and managed to snag weird looks from the gas station attendants. i would imagine you would see the most random people at that job. people just passing through.. and everyone shops at a gas station. the day is beautiful and the blue ridge mountians were wondrous. the dark shades of blue stacked one in front of the other. i should use the memories for paintings instead… since i never was able to get a photo. it turned into a blur and now running on only very few hours of sleep for the past 3 days is wearing me down. i need to sleep
but the entire day was like a surreal dream. its like i never left.. except a lot of my things are gone, 3500 miles away. in another apartment. i feel like crying at any moment. i miss most of my time here. i miss the comfortable room and the familiarity of having friends. but i need to take a chance and step in line… i just can't step out now. the timing was perfect. everything fell into place and i made it back to the other banks . how lovely to see the sunrise in kentucky and then seeing it on the south h
I'm so try exhausted that i can't think sraigngt and I'm just doing random words… with an exception . the first people i saw today means a lot. alex was very concerned about what it was like out there. i feel dizzy just thinking about it. its too weird. we had an amazing dinner, thai from villa. i enjoyed the company and he took a very adorable photo with my new hat. im still rehearsing the idea of what our life would be like if we dated. i think o, i just keep falling asleep mid sentence. i hugged al5z and maybe a friend… my time with him is so precious. its like war are just jfjfj hot tea. i just can't even believe that four months passed and not really anything, maybe st. lou.
its just not to avavibel now? i just don't ever want to leave here. I'm too tired to judge. the full moon lights up the beach… its too cold for my emotionally drad ind a sensitive. i tried to protect her nose. she did endue with something. those things . the fact that we traveled so much and wasted precious opportunity just upsets me so down the i i really needed those photos.. that inspiration. instead i ssaw a lonely usinrise and .. the yellow. it all ij ===i just don't know what to think anymore, it would a lll just e tender lovem.i can't keep my eye… now that cool shill. just don't have the energy to make ay of the spare. it is an endless journey. i fee like omnday wa iq. I'm just so tired.
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