eleven.

i felt better this morning, i was exhausted and the spinning didn't return. i immeditadley pulled my hair back… looked in the mirror and there was a spider making his way across the top of my hair. i could hardly see, it startled me, i was so quiet though.. he fell out and i killed him. i felt bad but he got in my way, the last time i let a spider try and live with me.. he bit me. 

it felt good feeing the pain of the cold, i could feel my legs biking through the neighborhoods. today everything felt a bit like a success, like i had achieved something that didn't seem possible. i'm really excited about it. i have things to accomplish here, i have put myself out into the world. what could i really accomplish on such a small island? we have a meeting early and i am a bit frustrated because of the lack of organization and motivation at work. but i think it is going to get better. the girl who i was previously worried about … i met her. she is immediately fascinated by my hair and wants extensions. there is so much more to me… she knows who war this is going to be, so i think. but i will not prejudge because it is not my place. i am just here on my adventure. i'm booked all day and i have my first repeat client. she is a quiet lady with insane hair that i feel like i did a horrible job at, but her hair is wild and thats that. the day proceeds on with more walk ins, you just never know who will show up. i liked the vibe today, it was pleasant and consistent. i think i made a lot of connections, i don't really force anything on anyone. but i need to be more careful. my last male haircut was so refreshing. i actually look forward to seeing him again. he is like an ed. just a good working guy, who likes to come in and chat. his voice was parallel to  david whitfield's, which was refreshing. the conversation was just nice and i am glad i met him. the day went by fast, i was starving and daniel read my mind. chinese? of course. green beans, my favorite with other fried things. i like just having dinner with them, conversation. its a habit that i want to get in. oh the fortunes, my says "star light, star bright, your wish will come true tonight". then i told ian my wish… it could never come true. i wanted to just go out and see harry play, see the band. so instead we watched it on the big screen, its like he was there and i could dance around. groupies. i call it...support. believeth, faith… in someone else. something else. i could potentially have innocence again. i could have found something that will keep me wanting more, until finally we can commit to each other and see the rest of our lives… as together. i loved how ian described harry. i am so thankful that he was interested… "enjoy dreaming of your man". 

i ate a pear with honey and sang a song. more of a gospel, chords that excited me and kept me singing. in the morning, i will see you. in the morning, i will know you. in the morning, you will see me. in the morning, you will know me. in the morning…

now i am so overwhelmed with inspiration and thought. they are endless and i am ready now to get them. i have so much to create and learn. i have so many people to tell. i just want them to be good. i want to help. i want to hear the music. i honestly believe that a year from now they will have a show in long beach. if i'm supposed to stay over here and learn about hair and pay off debt and spend time with ali and learn yoga and explore… get closer to the earth and god. i know that it can happen. i just have to use my time wisely. fulls fuller said so herself. 

i need to be someone's muse. i need to date a photographer for awhile. just to see the world through a lens and maybe have myself graced in a few good photos. narcissism is a strange thing. but its late now and i think i need to have an early morning and talk with my savior.