nine.

you never know when inspiration will get you. it's usually in a really weird way, one you may not realize until later. a lot later. my whole life has inspired to me to be here. to be her, that wakes up and bikes to work to do hair. i would more now than…. ever. so another early morning, I'm thankful that i was there on time. i showed up to an immediate situation, one that could've been avoided… but a fixable problem. he had a show in a few days and needed his hair to match his extensions, before tomorrow. i don't know how i know… but i must have a talent for color. i end up with the corrections, solving problems… fixing mistakes. i enjoyed with my time with him. it was a bit more of an intimate situation because i was fixing it, i had to monitor that color every minute, i had to make a lot of changes. he was young and on a mission, i liked to see that… but with each day i realize that the people who are here, the people that come here… are a mess. they all have more issues than i could ever imagine. i guess I'm here to help. the rest of the day was a bit quiet, i filled it with helping london change lights and reading. claudia had a client, austin morriessy, that caught my immediate attention. something about his voice, this demeanor… reminded me of bobby and someone else… someone familiar. i wanted to talk to him, ask him questions, i wanted to know him… why do certain people do this to us? i find out later he is a nice kid, young… early twenties… and plays in a band. go figure. of course i was too shy to say a word.. i almost seem abruptly snobbish… I'm just so nervous around things that interest me. strange… and backwards. but i guess i wasn't supposed to say hello. maybe that is for another time. i just need something. i haven't made out with a boy in a LONG time. like almost three months, which is perfect… it has been wonderful, but now i just need some love.  speaking of love.. my last client of the day was oh so strange. i couldn't understand her deal, but she just needed someone to talk to. her hair was a disaster and she has obvisouly dealing with stylist that just doesn't care. but i wanted to help her. she was so sad and missing youth. these women take to me… they want the youth. i am growing out of it so fast. but something about me, my touch.. my eyes perhaps, i don't know what it is… but it says I'm here to help. maybe its my smile. i just don't understand it. she had so many issues, so many things that she needed to change, i doubt she will. its not up to me to save them. that is too big a job for just a girl. that is left to a higher power… a power that i have become very connected to. people can sense it. but now i need something… i can't keep having people take it away from me. i must replenish, but it is up to me.. alone, to provide that. i feel dizzy just thinking about it. my bike ride home was cool and peaceful. i went a steady pace, thinking about how this is the 25th year, from here on I'm sliding so fast to thirty… but the reassuring feeling comes when i realize that i technically am doing things. I'm living out dreams… so what it took me a few more years. i was so comfortable where i was.. i didn't need to leave so fast. maybe i shouldn't of left at all… but then where would i be? just sleeping with silly little boys, and dealing with small town drama. this city here, so far away has made me grow up. i cook dinner and I'm tired. i'll stay up and dream and draw things… maybe i'll mail that letter tomorrow.