forty.three.

my days off leave me with lots of options, except with no money… its harder to do things. i lay in bed and listen to all the loud noise outside,,, a guy yells, "we are shutting off the water for a few hours.." ok, ok, I'm up. i get ready and debate which studio to visit for yoga this morning… i think i'll go outside. the day is beautiful and sunny… and the breeze feels like spring. i haven't been to yoga at the park in a while, it was my only place of peace for a few days when i first arrived. i took my place and laid in the sun for awhile, just enjoying the peace. the simple beauty of earth, all the things in life that are given to us daily. we just choose to take advantage of them. she instructs us through our practice as we face the solar power… we ask for more love. i try and quiet my mind, but it is doing its usual fast traveling, thinking about too many things at once that i notice I'm not breathing with any rhythm at all. i try and concentrate, i try and think about breathing. the time goes quickly, i am able to find quiet for just a moment, that is better than none. i feel busy and don't' linger very long, this is a place i should linger… bet i could meet some amazing souls. my interovertedness gets the best of me at times… most of the time. i bike home and make a wonderful brunch, andrew is also home and we are able to spend some time together… he asks my opinion with a few of the wardrobe options for the play he is designing. we start reminicing about last summer… and all the non sense that the hound dogs created. it was a priceless time in my life that i didn't even begin to capture. he asked to see a few photos for inspiration, i always get upset when i know that i don't ever have enough. i need to stop, those days are now over… it is how i got here. we laugh at my stories, explaining the shenanigans we encountered all that time, those days… the hot summer nights out dancing with my best girlfriends, the most beautiful people on the island. the hot messes that we were… you will never know because those late nights are easily forgotten in the morning. their songs possesd us. got deep into our soul and converted us.. i know that he converted me into a new creative being. all his songs… the recycled rock and roll. you can always make it into something better.

i spent some time sitting on the balcony of our apartment, which is pretty amazing and overlooks the bay. i started to write, to create a plan of business to get these guys on tour… the difference in me and someone else… I'm driven with passion for something that i actually care about, i care about the music and its source. i don't want the money, yes.. it would be cool if it could be job… "what do we get out of it?" everything we want from it.. all the creativity and love. we get to work with our friends and travel and play music to new people and towns each night. all the steps are small… this is how you build an empire. i'll try my best to get people on the same page. the plan is simple but very detailed and important… its the money that will stop us.. we just need all the money we can get. 

i'll get my point across eventually… just a matter of time. if not, i will step back and reevaluate. it's not harry that I'm doing this for.. it just makes sense to me. looking back on childhood.. i pretended and dreamed all the time. my barbies traveled… they went on tour, they saw the world.. busy pieces of plastic. well.. i suppose they were loaded too..

i will pray more about it.

the day continues beautifully. i get to run some errands with ali, our usual shopping adventures.. whole foods, then back to her place to cook dinner. i am so thankful that we finally made it to spring, the light lingers longer and we can now sit outside without being too cold. ian sits by the grill.. ali and i sit and laugh. "girl time" all the time. "i still can't believe you moved here… i commend you" says ian out of no where.. i was just thinking the same thing. i said i was going to.. i don't' like to not do what i say… that is how i am. i couldn't have done it without their patience.. 

letting me live there for a month… its a team effort thing. it's good for all of us.. i just wish i could lighten up a bit and relax, learn to enjoy my time.

now ali and i discuss our feelings… we are in a waiting period. this is what we are doing… just waiting for the next phase of our lives. what is that phase? I'm pretty sure hers involves children. I'm pretty sure mine involves going on tour.