forty.two.

this day i was able to sleep in, i truly like the feeling of just laying in bed. in the dark cave that is my room, i can lay in bed for awhile. i relax and listen to them drilling in the walls, the water pipe project continues. its fine, I'm able to ignore the loud sounds. i head to work to do dori's hair color, it is a frustrating formula and of course it is hard for me to concentrate, and i confuse and over think everything. i enjoy my time with her, i can see us becoming friends. i just can't seem to get the vibrant colors right. i have tea and coffee and snacks the entire time i do her hair, really my boring day was much better than a lot of days… i enjoy a lot about the place that i work.. I contemplate about selling stella and dot, is this an answer? can i get by while selling this? i don't want to be a salesperson… but i knew this journey would require me to do things… i wouldn't normally do. i listen to their music all day, its stuck in my head and i day dream about the tour and filming the whole thing. i dream about a lot and i see that this could be such a fun ride… i just don't understand why i am the way i am. such a nutty case… her hair color reminds me of blackberries and she loves it… she suffered through tears during the appointment, i guess i was too blunt, but it is just science that explains the effects on birth control. pretending your body is pregnant is going to cause your life to be a bit off.. its a hormone thing.

but she was happy in the end, i biked to the market, chatted with michelle for some of the ride. i picked up a few things then headed to ali's we sat outside and i soaked up some more unnecessary sun/ just to get a few bits of vitamin d/ its gets so cold out so quickly. i contemplate if the feelings are even real, if I'm being completely ridiculous. i just don't know my side of the story anymore, those days on the road seem so far away. i day dream all day long. i sit on her porch and just think. quietly planning out all the details of what could happen. then i bike to candlelight yoga. all my thoughts slow down in the candle lit room, the breathing and quiet of the night is what i need . just a moment for me to reconnect and see what god is all about. to feel heaven and be able to except that. i am thankful that with this practice i can slow down and breathe in something that makes sense. i feel like I'm in puerto rico or the beach again. all of it is so familiar that i can't possibly walk away now. I'm in too deep.