forty.five

curiosity killed that cat. i think that you hear all the right things everyday… 

falling asleep and not setting an alarm will get you out of bed fast, thats for sure.

i got ready quick, the morning was foggy and seemed cold. it was a damp humid day… everyone says the weather is being so strange here. i listen to the usual music… octyodimetric. just like it sounds.. the ride is quick and its a bland morning. i have a few clients today, mika is a cool guy… and he has great blue eyes, a skater from ohio. he really likes long beach, you can tell he has some kind of attachment here, which is good. i like to see that. most of the people that are here, came here from some far away place.  its such a stange world, but my day worked out well. i was able to take a walk in color and then my love came to see me. mrs. ali… skated over. she is my favorite client ever and she is so pretty. her color turned out beautiful, then we went to the sex shop down the street, ha. reminded me of luxury… where i day dreamed the whole time. now i dream to be there. it was comical, story of our lives. 

i talked to shell this morning and we get each other amped as usual. if you are going to run a business you have to communicate and be each other's inspiration throughout the days. its like we need each other, but we are on opposite ends of the earth. its how this life is working out.

i love my corner, though it is a bit dark, you make it work. the involvement is what i am needing an improvement on. i will miss a few things by being gone, but that is what i do. i leave and miss things… for other things... that no one will ever understand. 

my life. no one will ever understand. and i love her so much.

 though i am aging very quickly and i no longer want to look at myself in natural light. i am very… hairy. and my skin creases now… its not that i don't like age, its just the actual breaking down of cells. i will miss my youth, i already do. the early twenties were unbelievable. i hardly can recall the …. wild young girl.

but now it is time to be real. it is real. i bike home and eat a good dinner. i spend no money and enjoy my alone time. i reflect on the day and my impulse decisions, but sometimes i feel no need to wait. he is patient. he is kind… 

i email harry about the plan. i am being very serious about this and i believe that with some work and diligence, i have to have faith in myself. i am a beautiful creature that i am very excited about getting to know.