forty.four.

I'm glad i went outside. this day was magical in so many ways.

i woke up to a lot of fog, my late night made me sleepy…

it wasn't as hard to get up, but i wasn't' exactly motivated to get to work. i was excited that i would see london… 

my ride to work was nice, sunny and not too cold. i smiled and listened to the boys sing their rap songs. once at work.. i could tell the day would be slow. i chatted with susie, i miss being beside her. she is such a stable figure that I'm glad that she is over in the corner, to keep the balance. i talked with her about home, its important to understand where i came from, even if they don't remember… they understand me a bit better. explains why i am.. the way i am. 

"someone you'd admire - fleet foxes"

you had no idea what you were getting into … did you?

my day was slow.. but i used my mind. i learned about music and also got a few things done, a lot of thinking time. i needed to talk about my future and start to make a few changes, adjustments to get me closer to my future goals. 

they are very clear… i talked to robert about my plan, my plan on getting the salon involved with more music, bringing people together. he agreed and got me a bit more excited. he also agreed to use one of the bands songs for the commercial. i don't even remember how it came about… but summer liked it, and i sat with dori on the couch and listened to ichymane, which was hilarious and oh so fun. i talked to tupper and shell about it… together. its funny how fast they called when i tossed the idea to them… thats all you need. is some inspiration. i see with time here, i can figure out this town. i can learn the spots and get to know some of the people, just by becoming a regular. i'll be figuring my footing soon. i just hope that i can produce. i think with unity and time we can make this happen, as long as we all get on the same page and work together. i was very inspired and looked on craigslist and found a few jobs in television and music… these are things i will explore farther in my future. all of it overwhelmed me and excited me… i could hardly contain my thoughts. i was so ambitious on my ride home i turned down a street too early and took another path… listening to some new music that i discovered. i hate that people use the word obsessed, its not like that at all. its a spark of interest that i want to explore.

i don't know why i keep having these discussions… these moments, i suppose i bring them on myself. but the horns, that is where we are going with music. 1947.

i was glad i joined the guys to smoke on the porch, i knew that i needed to be social. i honestly love them so much that i enjoy all the inspiration and support that they are able to give me… 

its cold on the porch and we stay out there for awhile chatting. we discuss real things, not just small talk. i think that is why god may alcohol, sometimes it takes down barriers… I'm glad that i drink red wine.

we learned a lot about each other; i received a few answers that i needed. to complete and tell me that this is that right path. all the signs, all the conversations are bringing me towards this bigger picture of what my life will become. 

i am ok with dying. i know that i will not die because i have such a long purposeful life ahead me, i must. i must push so much harder than i will know…. i have to have faith in what i believe in. digging down into the ground for safety will get you know where and as a child i always knew that i would be doing crazy crazy life changing things.

the purpose is big.

i did a business plan yesterday and was able to type it out today, shell and tupper said they were down, that is the first step. i think it took those several years… 2009 is where i started, its where i realized that i was more than just sitting in a house being happy, i was supposed to be going, and doing constantly. towards a creative movement.

the conversation with daniel and ian exceeded into the morning… half way through the month of march, and we are discussing world change. are we the only ones? i hope not… but i know our society, we dont accept things. ever.

i know that i am going to change our world, if i wasn't so crazy i could realize that i could just live a life that is still and slow and pleasant, but instead i am trying to make the impossible… possible.