sixteen.

valentines day. early this morning it was hard to get up, my hair was still wet because i had only showered a few hours ago. i was glad the sun was out and hurried through my routine, i grabbed the only red article of clothing i owned and an alice in wonderland necklace. it is a lock and key, the one that ara wore halloween last year… that picture was cool. too bad it symbolizes one of the biggest secrets i'll ever keep. my heart is closed at this time, its a bit "locked". for awhile, I'm beginning to feel this urge to let people in. just in time to go home. since i was running late, i biked a lot faster. i made it to work in under ten minutes, which is good for about a mile and a half… maybe two. i walk into a whirlwind of chaos. lots of unfinished business which makes it hard to continue on. i try and be social, up and down the stairs. catching up and helping organize. i was happy to help make curtains for the color room. i realized that sewing and spending time in the sun is what i love to do. not having to constantly socialize all the time… not having to solve every problem. i ate my fruit and was very calm. my only client today was a lovely lady from atlanta, georgia. funny how the references to the east coast and places i want to be keep popping up. we had a good conversation, i think i will enjoy having her as a client for the year. she told me to travel young and see the world. i can't stop moving yet. i was able to text will all of my favorite people today. it was wonderful to hear from allen and see his photos from the beach, so i could feel like i was there. then i needed to see alex, he felt the same. i sat on the roof deck and stayed out of the way, catching up and painting my nails. its nice to just escape up there. the day drug on… i just don't sit still well and there wasn't much to do. so i was everywhere, reading a few magazines… learning. my bike ride home was fast, the weather is getting warmer and the breeze seems to die off in the evenings. i am excited for my dinner reservation with ali cat. alex surprises me and wants to sykpe, so i multitask and we talk in the bathroom while i curl my hair. its so nice to see him… this whole video chat thing is a whole new way for being everywhere and still keeping in touch. its funny because the bathroom is huge here and ali came over… and we're all just hanging out chatting in the bathroom. we continue on but i feel bad that i can't give him my entire attention… girlfriend problems. go figure. i choose my outfit and change while chatting… give him a quick tour of the room. he says how ironic it is that i have a liberty and john lennon picture, i'll have to ask him about this later. our conversation is cut short.. time for ali and i to go to dinner. the walk is quick and nice, poor ali just fought with her husband ian about how he didn't get her anything for valentines' i guess it's just easier to no have expectations of human. also known as being single. the restaurant was just lovely, it reminded me of ocean blvd or aqua. these places spoil me, as ali says… only on the outer banks. that saying really holds true. there is no place like home.

our meal is amazing and our waiter is even more so. i kept thinking the entire time that we had met before, but i couldn't figure it out. ali assumed yoga… but we pushed that aside. it was a four course amazing dislapy of good food. food that was lovely and prepared by chefs that cared, or at least seemed to care. i would say that the most uninteresting item was the brushetta. the steak and salmon… salad and desert was wonderful. the sangria was even better. such a good mix. i was trying to be friendly with the waiter… he reminded me of the guys from 1587 in manteo, just well educated friendly beach boys. he knelt down and said " i need to ask you some questions… where do i know you two? one of you from north carolina?" funny how people remember. we had met matthew at the new moon sunrise yoga in huntington. those days seem so far away now.. when we drank hot tea on a freezing cold morning on the big red bus. i met some interesting people that day. good people. it was good to put all that together. he thanked us… we chatted with armiz, the owner, for awhile and then i took a picture of the staff. i think i can find comfort here, i will definitely bring friends there. matt told us about an art show going on down the street at clanceys. of course i giggle like a school girl when he catches us talking about him outside. ali pulls out her capri cigarettes and of course i engage… remember that ex.boyfriend? yea, we revisit him every so often. the bar is lit up dingy and green. the art on the walls is fun, its a thrown ensemble of clear splashes, i like the dj, the tempo is upbeat. we browse around but I'm not that interested. i don't feel like yelling over the music… and there is no sense in waiting for matthew this late… we walk home and laugh. this was a really fun night. well worth it, our time together is precious. its just wild that we really even live here together. i get home and feel inspired to write something… i read a journal entry from 2011.. and just happen to stumble on a playlist that i had made with alex years ago. this proves that time is priceless. i read on and see that i am exactly where i wanted to be. then i decided to write a letter, one on the very dainty stationary that i bought yesterday… this letter is to london. i thank him for the inspiration… but i need to share more. i have a particular poem to share, but obvisisoly its not the right one as it is too hard to find. so i decide to share with him a spastic piece from the mustang festival. the night that i fell in love with harry. it is a wonderful poem about living life in a way that provokes others to love… maybe even to turn to god for some relief. to ask yourself.. what did i ever do to deserve this?