fourteen.

i slept a lot of the day away. i woke up after noon and moved really slow, i did laundry and made myself breakfast, or should i say.. late lunch. i moved around and painted a bit. the sun was out but it was cold out… lots of noise from the guys doing construction outside. i feel restless and my stomach hurts. my diet has been kinda gross lately, and the sickness in my stomach is upsetting. i think it's because i stopped taking papaya. i paint a little more then to ali's. we go on a good run, maybe 3 miles. not too bad. the weather is perfect so we dont have to stretch much. it reminds me of softball practice, that was the last time i had run with another person. it was very freeing, i smiled along the way. it feels good to be able to have that much energy to release. back to her apartment … then ian picked us up in a porsche. what a beautiful car. it goes so fast, i feel it nessacary to drive one around california one day… because if you're going to drive a car… we go to the farmer's market at the park and get vegetables and fruit.. and of course snacks. taco night at paradise on fourth st with dustin and aaron and daniel. it is a beautiful place, the portraits on the wall inspire me. i read later that they are done by watercolor. this entire place intrigues me. I'm starting to scout places.. thinking about music and design. the tacos are good, I'm sure i over ate. we drive fast home to drop daniel off… then to the silver fox. it's fat tuesday and everyone is in beads…a reason to get drunk i suppose. the crowd is bizarre and so is the music. it made us watch, since there was nothing else to look at. i just don't enjoy this scene anymore. it doesn't teach me or inspire me. we only stay for two drinks… then home. i paint some more, with alitle buzz.  my stomach hurts more and i continue to eat. at dinner ali said that i didn't have anything that was bad in my life to give up… yes, it's over eating. I'm starting to gain  wait and i look different. but its mostly out of  my control. we watch madmen late and the affairs that these characters manage to have… i want something more than sex. something more than marriage… a connection that words… sounds… could never capture. it's in the eyes.