two.

it seems long and vast. i really can't even begin to remember the morning. woke up early and didn't want to leave bed, the usual dark and cozy room comforts me so. i bike to work, crossing through the streets, glancing at the random design. the city is diverse in its artitexture, rangeing from 1920s architecture, country cottage and a castle in between. the baby blue schwinn gets me places. the palm lined streets remind me i am in california. how could i forget. the day is beautiful and steady. i talk with mom on the porch and cut some curls. i eat fruit and veggies.. a couple of men's haircuts. guy from texas, not that interesting.. another one, i forget. the day resembles a comfort. i wear a vintage volcom stones shirt from freshmen year of high school. hard to imagine me eleven years ago. i haven't really changed that much. the topic of witch is brought up again with london. i am still curious. so is he. he said that he was intrigued with me from day one. it's in the eyes. people fall in love, instantly. "we" are lonely and miserable people he said about his "ex" wife, she is that type. "god bless whoever tries to harm you". they will not survive. can i really "be" this creature. it would explain so much. 

i need more from the day. it is overall dull and i move on home. the bike ride is peaceful, it is dark but not as cold as the nights past. brings up the feeling of biking at home, feeling the spring air that is not hot or cold. but a very pleasant perfect feeling that is like childhood. avocado and peanut butter then out the door to yoga. my bike ride there is quick through streets, feeling a sense of quiet that is calm; i am on my own now. the strong and independent woman, making my own path.  red lights lead the way, since someone already stole my front light… i love the studio but immediately i stir up trouble in the air with two girls that are in class. i can feel "feelings" in the air so much. its weird how things happen. i sat across from a beautiful brunette, rather slow in moving. i had many feelings and emotions during this class.

i wanted to feel something. i wanted to experience that pain that is "lessons". the ones that those around us teach, the relationships of those from your past create who you are today. the class worked my ego, worked my body. challenged me in a way that i wasn't sure if i could.. a few times i had to give up early. overall i was proud of my performance. battling through a busy mind that i can't control anymore. the breathes were somewhat steady, my balance was key. it pulled through. that pain in my legs will linger for a few days, i'll have to push through because it is my only choice. i need to push more, i want to tear down things, tear apart boundaries… that are stopping me from moving forward. that color teal on the ceiling is the same as the Dunes at home. its those small similarities that keep me intrigued in my own path. keeping sure that i am on the correct one. i get sidetracked quickly. 

feeling a bit of personal passion helped me. i wanted to ask him what "live" music he was going to go see. i am curious, and i really needed music tonight. I'm upset because Harry is playing at chili peppers at home tomorrow night, i hate missing that stuff. i hope that they get some music recorded while in town… wow i hate feeling like I'm missing out… but I'm doing this for me. he is better off with out me around to distract him. he has his life of music to pursue before he could ever fall in love with me. its going to take absolute years. but here i am. throughout this i'll really notice how much he crosses my mind. he's really an imaginary character that i am playing with… creating.

i take a shower and color my hair. shave my legs and everything else. I'm tired of her for the moment, yes she was good. but the new one is slightly better. now I'm clean with a new personality of curls. my throat hurts a bit and i wonder how much down time i'll need to get feeling better. i hope not much. this life pushes me to my limits, over & over.